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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

One sided relationship in conversation

14 replies

lonelyhearts23 · 27/12/2023 18:30

I've been in a relationship with a guy for 6 months, at the start we had loads to talk about in very career driven and have a well paid job. He doesn't as much but that never bothered me.

He is very shy and quiet and in initial dates I did all talking but now we are further along I still do all the talking. To the point if I go over his after work I will talk about work and he will yawn and isn't really interested. But then the moment I go quite or wait for him to chat he asks if I'm ok and if I'm tired because I'm quite. Over text he will chat chat but in person he's quiet and it's all most awkward. I think I should end it or am I being too picky

OP posts:

Yolo12345 · 27/12/2023 18:37

Invite him for a coffee and tell him you like him but that you find conversations too stilted and you need more of a two-way exchange. Wish him well and cut your losses.

category12 · 27/12/2023 18:37

I think I should end it or am I being too picky

It's up to you where you draw the line - but if you feel uncomfortable with the guy after 6 months(!), it isn't working for you, is it?

Why wouldn't you be "picky" about the person you're spending time and having a relationship with?

Kaleidoscopeofbutterflies · 27/12/2023 18:49

Do you try to engage him in other topics of conversation besides your work? That's so boring.

Original poster

lonelyhearts23 · 27/12/2023 18:53

Yeah I talk about alsorts with him but he doesn't really engage. So I end up talking work to fill the void if that makes sense.

OP posts:

whatsitcalledwhen · 27/12/2023 18:55

You need to ask yourself why you consider it 'picky' in a negative sense to want to be in a relationship with someone you have fun, non awkward and reciprocal conversations with. That's not picky, it's sensible!

User69371527 · 27/12/2023 19:26

I think easy flowing conversation is kind of on the essential criteria list, isn’t it?

pictoosh · 27/12/2023 19:29

You think wanting to actually enjoy the company of your partner is being 'too picky'?
Are you not arsed so long as it's a man?
What on earth do you mean?

coodawoodashooda · 27/12/2023 19:30

Yolo12345 · 27/12/2023 18:37

Invite him for a coffee and tell him you like him but that you find conversations too stilted and you need more of a two-way exchange. Wish him well and cut your losses.

This.

pictoosh · 27/12/2023 19:31

I mean OP, surely in the long term the conversation is everything?

Clara27 · 27/12/2023 19:42

Yes you’re being picky and quite rightly so. That relationship sounds like hard work and not a lot of fun. I’d end it and move on, I bet you’ll feel a weight lifted once you do

Olika · 27/12/2023 19:49

Just end it. You cannot keep having one sided conversations.

80s · 27/12/2023 20:19

he asks if I'm ok and if I'm tired because I'm quite
Have you tried asking him this same question? Or replying that yes, you're tired of talking? Have you reacted to him openly yawning? - it is a bit rude, after all. Or commented on how he doesn't seem to be interested in any of the same topics as you? If you're likely to end it anyway, you could be quite straight. Maybe he'll agree that you don't have much in common and it will make it easier to end it. (Or maybe it will just make him realise he needs to put more effort in with his next date!)

determinedtomakethiswork · 27/12/2023 23:53

It isn't really a relationship if you can't talk together. Either he is bored by you or he has nothing at all going on in his head. I would end it for both of your sakes.

Kiitos · 27/12/2023 23:59

Urgh no. I had one of these. No way could I have endured a future with someone like this. He was the man who made me realise that looks only go so far (he was very attractive)
If he’s like this in the early days just imagine the future. I think getting rid is absolutely the right thing to do.

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