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Original poster

Conversation starters for Octogenarians

16 replies

Beansandneedles · 27/12/2023 16:26

I'm struggling to find some common conversational ground with my elderly inlaws. I've been in the family 8 years and it doesn't seem to be getting easier!! Anyone any good at multi-generational chat who could give me some topics please?

I've tried:

  • asking about past Christmases from their childhoods/lives/my husbands childhood
  • what they're looking forward to for the new year
  • talking about recipes or traditions and asking for the story behind them
  • general health and family stuff
  • attempted a few current events
  • shared some stories from our year as a family

Almost everything seems to lead back to a list of the recent or long time deceased, or a repeat of the same 10-15 anecdotes. I lost my brother recently and am trying hard to avoid more talk about death. Some people seem to be naturally gifted at bringing people out of their shells and getting them chatting, I'm aspiring to improve this skill!!

OP posts:
Forgottenmyphone · 27/12/2023 16:34

I often do a crossword with my nonagenarian grandparents. I also ask them about the birds they’ve seen at their bird table, what they’ve been watching on TV (They’re avid Strictly fans!), cooking tips etc… I also talk about my hobbies and they take an interest in those. E.g. I often take along my latest craft project to show them, or we chat about my job. They love it when I ask their advice. I rarely take it, but they needn’t know!

festivepains · 27/12/2023 16:36

Sometimes they just want to tell the same stories. Let them. Play bingo in your head if it helps you to cope with the repetition.

MistletoeRegrets · 27/12/2023 16:40

Ha! My remaining parent is 90. Get them started on the current Tory party and they can talk for England. In detail. Naming names and crimes and unspeakable acts and exactly what sort of punishments would be fitting …

They’re even more forensically detailed on their own childhood.

And student grandchildren’s achievements are the chef’s kiss of conversational topics here.

But it sounds as if your in laws are willing to chat - you’re just not interested in what they have to recount?

Original poster
Beansandneedles · 27/12/2023 20:47

Forgottenmyphone · 27/12/2023 16:34

I often do a crossword with my nonagenarian grandparents. I also ask them about the birds they’ve seen at their bird table, what they’ve been watching on TV (They’re avid Strictly fans!), cooking tips etc… I also talk about my hobbies and they take an interest in those. E.g. I often take along my latest craft project to show them, or we chat about my job. They love it when I ask their advice. I rarely take it, but they needn’t know!

That's a nice idea about the crossword. My FiL does enjoy a sudoku I discovered today. We've previously bonded over photography and travel, but he's becoming steadily more housebound the last few years and it seems to make him sad to talk about things he doesn't do anymore (understandably) so am trying to think of other ideas. Thanks for the suggestions!

OP posts:
Original poster
Beansandneedles · 27/12/2023 20:56

MistletoeRegrets · 27/12/2023 16:40

Ha! My remaining parent is 90. Get them started on the current Tory party and they can talk for England. In detail. Naming names and crimes and unspeakable acts and exactly what sort of punishments would be fitting …

They’re even more forensically detailed on their own childhood.

And student grandchildren’s achievements are the chef’s kiss of conversational topics here.

But it sounds as if your in laws are willing to chat - you’re just not interested in what they have to recount?

Funnily enough we did get on to politics tonight and they had a lot to say, good tip!! They're from a different country to me so it's actually a rather safe topic. Wouldn't dare broach politics with my own family, it would be ww3!

Reading back I can see how it might seem like I'm not interested, I very much am. Finding it hard at Christmas without my brother. I don't want to be rude to my FiL and MiL but also don't want another hour long recount of the funerals they can remember from the years. I think it probably doesn't help that I only see them at Christmas so we seem to stick to the same few topics and I know all the stories by heart by now. I was hoping that perhaps if I introduced a different topic it might prompt new memories or just get the conversation flowing in a direction other than death.

OP posts:
Needhelpsupport · 27/12/2023 21:00

I work in a care home and our residents love 60s70s and 80s music,geography and recent news .

coldcallerbaiter · 27/12/2023 21:06

Were their parents in the war?

Tell me about your family. Siblings, cousins …2 hours later and they’ll still be talking

Brexile · 27/12/2023 21:11

Health and family are the best topics, especially if there are successful grandchildren whose achievements they can tell you about.

Rainallnight · 27/12/2023 21:11

I’m sorry about your brother, OP 💐

Branleuse · 27/12/2023 21:14

F

hellsBells246 · 27/12/2023 21:32

Needhelpsupport · 27/12/2023 21:00

I work in a care home and our residents love 60s70s and 80s music,geography and recent news .

80s music??? Surely 40s and 50s music??

Peckhampalace · 27/12/2023 21:52

60s-80s music is entirely appropriate. Parents are 80/85 in a couple of months...born in 1939/44 so 40s and 50s music are their parents music, they listened to the radio in the 60/70/80s.

Rocknrollstar · 27/12/2023 21:54

In her 90s my mother would discuss politics, the news, current tv programmes, fashions and the book she was reading. Have you tried asking what they are reading, watching or where they have been recently?

Delphigirl · 27/12/2023 22:00

Ask where the place is that they like the most and then ask them why it is special to them, what memories they have from there etc. Let them lead the conversation.

Whataretheodds · 27/12/2023 22:00

Do you have children? Could they help you complete a family tree for your kids?

Also quizzes, crosswords, visiting the places they grew up or visited when young?

roundcork · 27/12/2023 22:04

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