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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Just broke up with a guy and I feel lost in life

4 replies

hardwork86 · 27/12/2023 15:41

I've spoke on here before about a previous relationship and how awful and abusive it was and I'm still dealing with impact. I spent 9 months single and thought I was in a better place. I started seeing a guy about 5 month ago and it moved very fast. I stuck to my boundaries and said it was moving fast but pressure to meet his family and telling me he loved me all abit too much, He lied to me in the first month about using cocaine on the night we kissed initially. I spoke to him about it and he point blank said no he hadn't and wouldn't lie to me and people were trying to ruin it. A month later I went out with some friends and some one who has nothing to gain told me he had being using cocaine. Again I spoke to him and he was angry at first but then did own up to it. It hurt that he lied but promised me it was the last time he used it. It was all in his past. He is very insercue and some times will ignore me and my gut feeling he is off but then when I ask him he says he's fine and then I look daft me feeling off.

I know it will only get worse so I ended it today I feel awful couple of days after Christmas. When I spoke to him about this stuff he said never off with me and the coke use is in past.

I've come away feeling so awful and shitty but my gut is telling me it's gas lighting.

Please can some one tell me I'm not a nutter.
My last relationship was emotional abuse and I literally begged him not to end it.

Now I don't no if I'm so damaged off previous guy and or my gut was right. I do sound pathetic but I feel lost. This morning I was feeling empowered that I was recognising signs early on but now I'm like was it all in my head

OP posts:
Namechange666 · 27/12/2023 16:16

You are 100% not a nutter.

Your gut instinct is intact and I congratulate you for listening to it. You've saved yourself years of lies, headaches and heartaches. You can do wayyyy better than this no hope.

hardwork86 · 27/12/2023 16:49

Thank you! He's been ok with me but said he has rang in to work because he will be a laughing stock. One of the things I felt uncomfortable with is soon as we started dating he was telling every one and I spoke to my friend and she just said he's proud of u. But was way too soon. Now he's trying to make me feel guilty like it's my fault every one will ask and want to know. 😞

OP posts:
Namechange666 · 28/12/2023 17:08

Sorry had to edit as I misread what you had typed.

Don't feel guilty, you did nothing wrong at all. You aren't responsible for him and it's not your fault he over blabbed at work. Why would anyone laugh at him for a relationship ending? Unless they are really nasty, most people have been through that so not sure why that wiuld happen realistically. Maybe he will learn not to air his dirty laundry.

He is way over the top. And look at him manipulating you now. He's a wrong one definitely. You will look back and be glad you are out of this one in time.

LuckyLinda3 · 28/12/2023 17:11

Well done @hardwork86, you chose yourself and that is empowering.
Better days are coming x

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