I've spoke on here before about a previous relationship and how awful and abusive it was and I'm still dealing with impact. I spent 9 months single and thought I was in a better place. I started seeing a guy about 5 month ago and it moved very fast. I stuck to my boundaries and said it was moving fast but pressure to meet his family and telling me he loved me all abit too much, He lied to me in the first month about using cocaine on the night we kissed initially. I spoke to him about it and he point blank said no he hadn't and wouldn't lie to me and people were trying to ruin it. A month later I went out with some friends and some one who has nothing to gain told me he had being using cocaine. Again I spoke to him and he was angry at first but then did own up to it. It hurt that he lied but promised me it was the last time he used it. It was all in his past. He is very insercue and some times will ignore me and my gut feeling he is off but then when I ask him he says he's fine and then I look daft me feeling off.
I know it will only get worse so I ended it today I feel awful couple of days after Christmas. When I spoke to him about this stuff he said never off with me and the coke use is in past.
I've come away feeling so awful and shitty but my gut is telling me it's gas lighting.
Please can some one tell me I'm not a nutter.
My last relationship was emotional abuse and I literally begged him not to end it.
Now I don't no if I'm so damaged off previous guy and or my gut was right. I do sound pathetic but I feel lost. This morning I was feeling empowered that I was recognising signs early on but now I'm like was it all in my head