Struggling with the fall out

[Cherrypiepieces]

Break this down for me (I know, I know), have posted about this before

Met a guy on Hinge

He was working abroad when we started talking but we spoke every day for about a month, I now know this was wrong and would never do this again.

Via messaging we both agreed we felt we had a connection, but I was always guarded and kept my boundaries.

He has a kid, told me his ex was a 'lunatic', explained he is in a 'v difficult situation' but as I recently separated from an ex and have 2 kids we agreed we were on the same page about where we're at, in terms of not wanting a serious relationship etc

Anwyay, his actions I would say constituted love bombing, you're so beautiful, sent me poems, constantly checking in on me, are you ok? You seem down etc etc, making me feel better by providing me emotional support when I had some tough days.

When he finally came back to the UK we agreed to meet, however it was 'come to mine' I was ok with this as we had video called and spoken on the phone and I was feeling reckless at the time.

First date he cancelled because he had to see his kid, I was pissed off but he was so apologetic and promised me we would meet the following week, which we did. But when we met, his in person self was v blase and quite uncaring, minimal effort on the date, quite passive aggressive and rude in a piss taking way

He also couldn't get it up, but we did eventually have sex it was good, he was affectionate but then turned cold when I was going to leave

He followed up with some messages after which I didn't respond to initially, then I did respond and I could sense the vibe had changed

I then had a bit of an emotional meltdown and told him how I felt, I know this was risky but he'd created this sense of intimacy that I felt it was appropriate

Anyway I told him that I didn't think he could give me what I needed etc etc and that I deserve more, he just responded saying 'ok take care', again so cold

I just don't understand the emotional manipulation and making me feel so wanted and liked then this
.
Now he's blocked me, I think do me a favour, you created this situation now you can't handle my truth

Eugh, dating sucks sometimes

You told him not looking for serious relationship, you met he was passive aggressive minimal effort ,quite uncaring but you still had sex

I know, what a mess, this is how much he manipulated me though, all hollow words, I'm just thankful it was only a month as he could have strung me out like this for months

Yes it totally sucks

I think many of us somehow fall for an online persona and the texts

then you meet them and it’s like Whoah
he’s an ass
and he can’t get it up

lesson learned x albeit a painful one

100% I just think the blocking thing is quite extreme, makes you feel like a stalker, I mean he was happy to download multiple inappropriate parts of his life to me on reams of message but now he has to block me, dick

I think this is just what happens sometimes with online dating …you didn’t gel in real life / you didn’t like him as much as you thought from texting. You told him so, he replied that he accepts your decision and moved on. I don’t think his reaction after you rejected him was terrible. You just both saw that it doesn’t work out in real life, and now you have to move on.

Yep just sometimes I can be a self sabotager and I wonder if this is what I did here but I don't think so, I think this was protecting myself from more pain, or maybe yes I sabotaged because I realised he was no good for me

Self sabotage? You mean if you had stayed quiet and put up with his half assed effort and meaningless love bombing you'd somehow be better off than you are now?

You fell for an emotional scammer. Lesson learnt. Don't ever invest emotionally so quickly especially before you meet in person.

You've dodged a bullet there he sounds like a walking red flag. Even if you don't want a full on relationship he doesn't sound like he could fulfill any relationship.

The not being able to get it up can be a big warning sign of porn addiction too.

Sounds like he us still married...

Plus there were so many red flags:

•ex a 'lunatic'
•love bombing
•playing hot and cold
•rude and aggressive

This was all before you had sex with him. You need to think why after all these red flags you still wanted to be physically intimate with him.

I know, this whole thing has completely taken it out of me, never again, the trouble is I'm left reeling as there were moments where he said all the right things like, go easy on yourself, I like you too etc etc he didn't mean any of it did he, I don't know it's just all so deflating