I hosted in-laws on Christmas Day. PIL, SIL, BIL and their partners and DC. I’ve known them all a very long time, since I was a teen, and there have been some very difficult times with them in the past. Generally the male relatives are OK, but DH’s mum and sister have at times been really awful to me. Up until I/SIL hit middle age for some strange reason they treated me like I was a threat, and often put me down and together tried to put me in my place at the bottom of the pack. They did/do the same to my other SIL, DH’s brother’s wife.
As everyone has got older, and matured, they seem to have mellowed, and to be making a small effort with me. However, a few years ago, with the help of MN free advice, I just stopped caring.
We did our turn. We hosted Christmas lunch, but I think maybe I was a bit rude because I just couldn’t be bothered to make nice with my SIL and MIL. I feel like when they are nice to me, it’s like when that snake in The Jungle Book sings “Trust in Me……sssssss”.
I think there was a little bit of tension because I wasn’t all laughing and delighted to see them, but I can’t fake stuff like this. We were very generous hosts, and I did a lot of work, but I don’t make small talk with my DH’s female relatives. When they left MIL and SIL were a bit frosty with me.
I feel like I’ve been a bit rude, but then another part of me thinks, fuck it, the time to be nice to me was years ago, not decades later.
So, should I be handling these events differently?