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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Separated but doing Christmas together

8 replies

Monstertrucksss · 27/12/2023 11:05

Everything feels so bleak right now, I honestly feel like I can’t cope. DH and I decided to separate and have told the kids etc but are still living together for now. We’ve just had Christmas together and I’m feeling so low, the tension has been awful. I just need to reach out as I’m honestly not managing that well. I need to see some hope in the future but I just can’t right now.

OP posts:
BeautBastard · 27/12/2023 11:20

That sounds really hard, and all heightened by Christmas no doubt. You will get through this though, and the situation will change. Have you got friends or family you can call or pop over to see?

Original poster
Monstertrucksss · 27/12/2023 11:26

Thank you for replying, yes I’m trying to reach out to friends but they are with their families. My family is going through tough times of their own.

OP posts:
Original poster
Monstertrucksss · 27/12/2023 11:28

I know I’ll feel hopeful again but at the moment I just can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel

OP posts:
TicTac80 · 27/12/2023 11:30

It's going to take time to let things sink in and figure things out. I know how hard it is, especially at this time of year. It's good that you're reaching out to friends and hopefully they will be in touch. Is your STBXH behaving decently? Make sure you take time out for yourself, even if it is a daily walk to clear your head. Look after yourself. Things will work themselves out in time. x

loandbeholder · 27/12/2023 11:33

No advice OP but I'm in the same boat. Terrified of what the new year will look like but looking forward to a happy home just me and my DDs. I know there is a battle pending re the house though as he is adamant me and the girls should leave despite us owning it jointly. Wish he would just have the decency to leave

SapatSea · 27/12/2023 11:36

Stay strong, it'll pass. I'd stay out of H's way as much as possible. Be around when the Dc are but then take yourself off upstairs or elsewhere in the house so you don't have to spend time in the ame room.. Have a talk and set clear boundaries about household chores and things such as if you are going to share food or cooking/meals.

Original poster
Monstertrucksss · 27/12/2023 11:37

Thank you both so much. @loandbeholder so sorry you’re in the same boat. We also have a lot to sort out financially… it’s so, so hard but we will get through this 💐

STBXH is being quite cold which is upsetting but I know that’s his way of coping. It’s just been a really intense time of putting a brave face on and we’re both absolutely exhausted by it. I wish I could fast forward a few months (at least)! Sometimes I feel really strong and optimistic so I’m trying to connect to that self now rather than this weak, defeated one…

OP posts:
Original poster
Monstertrucksss · 27/12/2023 11:39

Think you @SapatSea the problem is we have been literally carrying on as normal - it’s a real head f-er! I think we do need (much) more space if I’m not going to get seriously depressed

OP posts:
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