There was virtually no privacy in our relationship

[Namchanged]

I have name changed because I want to show this to my ex.
When we were together he told his friends virtually everything including our sex life. How long we were at it for.. and mentioning that I felt sick.. I felt I had no privacy generally. He crossed my personal boundaries by doing that. Based on his behaviour it could be assumed that anything we said or did would probably be parroted back to them. They had input in our relationship. he would also be influenced by the things they would say and start talking like them with the way they would word things or with their ideas and opinions. It was if they were involved in our relationship, I didn’t feel as if I was with just one person and that made me really uncomfortable.
It was one of the reasons we broke up, and he’s been saying my feelings are wrong and standards unrealistic and unreasonable and others talk to their friends about their relationship and partners as well.
I've tried to explain to him why it was wrong it made me feel uncomfortable but he doesn’t understand. Can someone help explain it to him?

But she hasn't done the same, I don't know about how long they have sex for or anything like that at all!

You don't need to post mortem the relationship with other people's inputs either though. There's nothing that you will achieve by getting loads of people to pile on your ex that would be worth achieving.

You're right, he shouldn't be dating you with the help of a committee. But you don't need to prove to him that this was wrong. He doesn't deserve your current and future time. It's over. Walk away.

Is your bf 16? Otherwise yanbu....

You are out of the relationship. There’s no need to be ‘right’. Also, you leaving carries more weight than a bunch of anonymous people on the internet.
Just let it go

You don't have to have him accept you are right - you don't need his opinion at all. You know you're right. We know you're right. All that matters now is that you stop all contact with that complete loser.

To me that spoils the sacred and special part of being just two people in a relationship - I only want me and partner to share certain intimate aspects otherwise it doesn’t feel special or safe anymore.

It's ok to chat with friends if you need advice.
But respect for your partner is important. I wouldn't talk about my sex life pretty much ever as I am old and wise enough to make my own decisions and choices.
Not ok to embarrass your partner by exposing your private life to people that you then socialise or engage with.
It's extremely immature to do so.

He's an ex. Unless you have kids together, and even then I'd still say it's unnecessary, why don't need him to see this? You broke up, your ideals don't align, what does the opinion of strangers change?

You need to stop thinking he's going to come round and understand you. It's not going to happen and it means your happiness is dependent on the actions of this immature ex.

I’m afraid I’m with the poster saying he’s an ex you don’t need to be doing this.

You have boundaries and he crossed them, repeatedly. I’d question myself as to why I stayed when this happened so often, if it was me?!

Yes. It’s concerning that you’re asking a bunch of strangers on the internet to validate things that led you to end your relationship, so you can show it to your ex. Why does it matter what he thinks? Or what his friends think, assuming he will take it to the mate hive mind?

Hi OP, I will start by saying I am male, so this is a man's perspective if that helps. I can confirm that some men will talk about their relationships, sometimes in acute detail. However, they are a rarity, and most people are uncomfortable to be in receipt of such intimate details. So don't let him con you into thinking that this behaviour is normal - because it is abnormal - and very different from confiding in a close friend, which would be acceptable if you were seeking advice - rather than bragging rites.

If you are teenagers then I’d expect him to be bragging to his mates , asking their opinions etc but if you are grown adults then id be livid.

grown adults in a loving relationship don’t go about talking about their sex lives to their friends and don’t relay everything that’s happening in their relationship to their friends either. It’s just bizarre.

OP - you need to move on.
This is really unhealthy - he is an Ex.
You seem to he stuck in the argument with him and needing to prove your point.
Why? So he can change and come back?
Or so you feel better?

You won’t feel better - no matter how many people tell you were right. And, of course, no internet forum of women would convince him.

Not sure how you knew what he told his friends. Some people do put their friends above partners and tell them more than one would want shared. It’s not a good sign in a relationship - so count yourself lucky you are out if there!!!!

I wouldn't be engaging in conversation with an ex about the validity of why I ended the relationship, once I've decided that's it then that's it.
He won't listen to anything you put infront of him anyway op because he doesn't care about you.

OP - agreeing with the posters saying that it's better for you just to move on, but if your ex does see this thread maybe he will think about doing it to the next person.

Yes he is wrong. Yes people share too much of their private lives with others. Yes you have the right to feel upset and uncomfortable.
BUT stop talking to him, stop trying to get your point across. The best thing to do is leave quietly. Leave quietly, don’t talk to him or about him. Don’t acknowledge him. Leave quietly.

But this is an anonymous forum!
Sounds awful OP. Thank goodness you broke up with him

It sounds like you're seeking validation, he's hurt you a lot and you want him to realise that and apologize or even just acknowledge the harm he's done. He's never going to do those things, if he was capable of being that person you wouldn't have split up over this All you'll achieve pursuing this is to add more hurt on top of the hurt he's already caused you. Walk away.

Dickish response, and not even factual.

Don't be so ridiculous

You understand how anonymous forums work, yes?

ironically he is angry that I’ve posted this because everyone is sticking their nose in business that isn’t theirs 😂

Honestly, I'm a bit more in between.

You just seem incompatible, that's all. He likes to talk about his relationship (he was part of the relationship so it was his to share in my opinion) and you don't. You're a much more private person.

Unless there was an intention on his part to bash you, humiliate you or berate you in front of his friends, I don't really see the problem.

My husband and I both talk to others about our relationship, even our sex life. The standard I hold myself to is that I wouldn't say anything to others that I wouldn't say if my husband was listening. I stand behind everything I say and wouldn't mind if these things were repeated to him.
But I do need to have other people's perspective sometimes, or to get things off my chest.
I will however always be respectful towards my partner. I will say for example:

"I can't believe he forgot to (insert chore he was supposed to do) again. It makes me feel so overwhelmed when I have to carry the household all by myself. How do I talk to him about this?"

I would never say:

"He's such a selfish ass for not remembering to do these chores. What an absolute wanker. I should dump his ass!"

Rather than convincing your ex of how aweful he is, maybe just focus on your future and look for a partner who shares your values and likes to keep relationship topics private.