Feeling a bit sad but getting told I am over dramatic

[Mumofone67]

Newly returning poster here (i have been here years ago but forgot my login)

So me and OH have been together almost 20 years with 1 dd. Recently i have been feeling really rejected by my family, making plans and not telling me e.g for big family holidays, Christmas day together etc. I have not spoken with my family as their reaction would be blowing up and turning it around on me, been there done it.

So OH, struggles with his mental health which has apparently resulted in his sex drive going...it has been 2 months so far since we were intimate. I have spoken with him and there is always something, he is not feeling well (with a multitude of different illnesses) tired etc. Now the last time i brought it up, resulted in me crying due to feeling inadequate he said I was being over dramatic.
Now yesterday we were atm MILs house and we were all laughing and joking, he spent the whole time making jokes about how useless I am, with how fragile I am this cut deep and i left. I have tried to speak with him this morning about my awful Christmas, he laughed and said I am a fool and my inlaws and him both think i am a fool and I should go back to my "sh☆ty" family.

Whilst i know i can be a pain and its not all him, i feel really sad, i have never felt this alone and quite frankly i feel like im surrounded by horrible people who just dont care about my feelings and they all demish it as "oh shes being so dramatic" when in all honesty i keep as much bottled up as possible because if i say something they all disregard my feelings.

Sorry for the long message i just needed to get it out before going back downstairs and putting the smile on my face again

I am so sorry you are feeling that way and your husband is an arsehole. Have a look at the stately homes threads and you might be able to offload about your own family though x

Wow he's a nasty little man isn't he.

Has he always been like this?

If your family have always treated you this way then no wonder you've picked someone of a similar ilk. That's all you know.

You deserve to be loved op.

Get rid of this deadweight, cut your nasty family off. Invest in good friends, therapy and you will slowly start to love yourself away from these nasty people.

If this is new ‘ish’ behaviour he is ‘devaluing’ you, rewriting the narrative stuff. This is not a good sign as can be affair territory. This isn’t me screaming affair just a warning!

If this is ongoing nasty, disrespectful treatment that you’ve put up with for 20 years, then surely it’s time to leave him.

You deserve better than this, you deserve kindness, empathy and sensitivity. Be your own best friend here.

Thank you for your messages.

@Psychoticbreak i will check out the statley homes thread regarding my family.

@Namechange666 your message was my thinking completely, he and my family are so alike in many way its scary. However, it does make me realise how alone i really am. Unfortunately at the moment financially i cannot leave just yet but within about 8 months I should be able to, however I don't want to leave, this is my home and I haven't done anything wrong except want to be treated better. But thats an argument for another day.

@Usernamechange1234 thank you, i never thought of it like that but I do need to be my own best friend. I am not sure about the affair thing but definitely been suspecting for a while about his online use...if hes messaging someone online maybe? More fool him if he is.

Your messages all made me cry this morning as it is what I have been thinking about for a long time. I am going to start with some self care and boundaries, i am currently unwell but I am going to put a bit of make up on, get dressed into something nice and do something with my hair, I need to ensure I am feeling worth something rather than worthless as I am at the moment and if a bit of foundation helps it can't be a bad thing, surely?

OH is currently sat on the sofa not talking, dd is on her phone in bed so its a miserable kind of day in our house, unfortunately these days are happening more often than not at the moment.

Can you get out and go somewhere for a bit after you do the self care? You need some space from them. Your DH sounds like a horrible husband.

This is what happens when you seek validation from someone who doesn’t care, so stop it. Make 2024 the year you learn to be your own best friend and to seek out and develop relationships with non shitty people. Model the behaviour you’d want your child to emulate.

Mourn the relationship you want with your H and take steps to not let it define you.

2024 rule should be to look after Yourself, be selfish and do things for you that make you happy! Stop seeking validation from others...be confident in yourself be strong. They will soon see who the real jokers are and it won't be you ❤️