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Original poster

To give this a go or not?

15 replies

Holibobby · 27/12/2023 00:43

Theres a family friend who I have known for years, loveliest guy you could ever meet, as we have mutual friends and close family connection always has nights out /social events together. It’s been said a few times that he likes me by other people, and despite him being lovely I’ve never felt attracted to him.…
But this last week he’s done a lot for me and I started to look at him in a different light, started to feel a little attracted to him.

I’ve dated a LOT of idiots whilst Ive been single for over 3 years. He’s absolutley brilliant with my DD (8), he always picks me up from nights out to make sure I’m home safely, he’s even picked me up from dates in the past. He’s funny, he’s lovely, he’s hardworking, I know his family well, he’s so easy to be around and very effortless. I’ve never dated a genuine guy but he’s always been genuine. lots of people have asked if we’re together in the past as he would do anything for me. A few of my friends have said why aren’t you dating him he’s great.

Hes really ramped up messages this last week. I’ve thought about him a lot. Im worried that I may be thinking about him because it’s Xmas he’s a family person etc. I also worry that a friendship and strong family tie would be ruined if things didn’t work out. I’m a little confused as to what to think at the moment. My rational self tells me to sit with it till after Christmas period and see if thoughts are still there. Any advice??

OP posts:
YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 27/12/2023 00:45

Definitely sit with it. Give it a lot of time and thought. Just because you really want to like him doesn't mean you do. Has he had a gf in this time? How do you/would you feel about that?

Original poster
Holibobby · 27/12/2023 00:51

@YesThatsATurdOnTheRug Ive not known him to have a gf. Hmm I’m not sure how I would feel I guess I would have to think about that a little more.

he was sitting in my house the other day and we were alone (my DD and his neice were playing upstairs) and I had a strong urge to kiss him. I obviously didn’t but it’s confused me.

OP posts:
Nearlythere80 · 27/12/2023 01:09

He's a nice guy who you know to be a normal human, is single, you like and now fancy. What more do you want? Sounds like he is interested in you and he taken the time to get to know you. Honestly life is very short, clearly there's never a guarantee it'll work out, but the signs are good aren't they?

Opentooffers · 27/12/2023 01:09

I'd be wary, it sounds like he's devoted a lot of time and effort trying to convince you to give him a go. It comes across as a bit too desperate if he's picking you up after nights out with other people, that's going above and beyond. Not sure how you've come to accept all that off him in the past when you didn't fancy him.
Sounds like you might have come to depend on him a lot and he likes it that way. Co-dependency doesn't make for a happy relationship and they can be hard to get out of once in. He's done all the things for you for a reason, he's always wanted more from you. He probably wouldn't volunteer up lifts home for someone he didn't fancy, so the intent from him was there, and you accepting all he does, is giving him the impression that you are interested. You may find he becomes quite clingy in a relationship with you as he's worked so hard for it already.

Original poster
Holibobby · 27/12/2023 01:18

@Opentooffers All the lifts etc all started because I use to go out with his sister a lot and he would always pick her up, he’s quite over protective over her as she’s been in so many bad relationships.

I was in a very controlling and abusive relationship for 10years with my DDs father so I would 100 % recognise that but there’s no way he’s like that. The only thing I would be worried about is, like you touched on, if it became too clingy. I’ve worked really hard to get myself into a place of independence and a relationship in general scares the life out of me.

OP posts:
EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 27/12/2023 01:28

Overprotective isn't necessarily a good thing. Not saying he's not a great guy, but I agree it sounds codependent. I'd find the whole lift situation a bit strange, you're an adult and not related to him. I think you should step back a little and see how you feel when he's not there all the time. Would you really miss him or is it more a habit? Would he try to limit or stop you from going out if he wasn't picking you up after? If you find you aren't really attracted to him I'd stop getting lifts, if this isn't going anywhere that's not fair on him. Also if he's taking the role in your life that a partner would have then there's no space for you to develop a new relationship. It's not good for either of you to be too entwined.

mayorofcasterbridge · 27/12/2023 01:31

Take your time and see how it goes. He sounds like a lovely guy!

Original poster
Holibobby · 27/12/2023 01:34

@EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness He doesn’t willingly message me and say he will give me a lift home but If im out and I see he’s online I will just ask him. He doesn’t always say yes and there will be periods where we probably don’t talk for about 6 months or so as we’re both busy with life. It’s just ramped up a lot in the last couple of weeks.

OP posts:
EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 27/12/2023 02:22

It sounded like he was running round town after you all the time, that sounds a lot healthier. Feelings at this time of year could be more about the season. I think a lot of people feel the need for family more at Christmas time. I'd still sit with it for a while, work out if it's him specifically or someone with those qualities that you want.

Smallonesaremorejuicy · 27/12/2023 02:38

Do you think there is a possibility he might be gay?

Josette77 · 27/12/2023 02:41

I'm going to go against the grain and say it sounds to me like you find him convenient.

You know he is interested in you, and ask to be picked up by him because you know he will.

It sounds like you are using him either intentionally or not.

Ladyj84 · 27/12/2023 02:53

Haha I was in same boat family friend and me best friend from age 18. I knew he liked me because I was told but thought nothing of it..Duno what changed but when I was 30 I looked at him differently and now we are married and 4 kids on and I'm almost 40. I literally couldn't be happier. Looking back I think part of it for me was I didn't want to lose my best friend and change the dynamic. How stupid was I turns out not only is he still my best friend I love him beyond words and receive all the love back

Original poster
Holibobby · 27/12/2023 14:32

It’s defintley not unhealthy, I also wouldn’t say I’m using him as apart from a few lifts I’ve never asked him for anything. I’m just wondering why I’ve thought about him a lot lately and thinking it may be Christmas. Because of past relationships I am also very cautious and guarded so I may naturally talk myself out of things.

OP posts:
Thecatthatgotthesouredmilk · 27/12/2023 18:39

Feelings change. A person can become more attractive to you once you get to know him more.

I say go for it. Why not? If it doesn't work out, what is the worse that could happen?

Original poster
Holibobby · 27/12/2023 23:48

@Thecatthatgotthesouredmilk i guess unless I don’t try I will never know. I just worry if it didn’t work out it would make family relationships and socialising with mine and his family awkward.

OP posts:
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