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[treasurei]

Hi Guys, I am a newbie on here. feeling real s**t today and didn't know what else to do!

I have been with my hubby for 5 yrs now, married 2.5 yrs.
We got together quite quickly, we got pregant after 2 months and moved in together.

he is a decent guy whom i love. Trouble is with him when things get too much he runs away. I don't mean just down the pub for a few hrs a mean for days. sometimes he does it really sneakily. time before last he waited til i got in from work and got in the shower then buggered off to a B&B he had checked into during the day. didn't hear from him for 2 days.
I am so stupid though. i always get so distraght when he's gone. calling him and beggin him to come back. I know he only does it to p me off. we both work and arrange childcare around each others work patterns. so by doing it it messes things uo for me.
He can also get violent during rows, last sun he gave me a black eye and i had to stay home from work and keep away from friends and family so no one could see it.

He usually hits and kicks me in places that can't be seen. Lat sun he had just finished hitting me with a slipper on my back and was punching me in the head. i thought he had finished and as i turned another punch was coming and got me straight in the eye. as soon as he hit he was very sorry which is a first. i knew he was only sorry tho as he hit me where it could be seen. it is always my fault he has done it tho!
i know there is no excuse for violence.
I also know i am not an angel and probably not easy to live with!

don't know what to do, i wonder if he really loves me sometimes? if he did why would he leave all the time and why would he hit! i don't ever feel 100% secure in our relationship

we have 3 children 8 ( from prev relationship), 4 and 2 yrs old.

i know i sound mad, if it were a friend of mine saying this i'd tell her to get away and quick, but ...... i can't, i love him dearly and wish things could be differnet.

any advice pls or others been in similar situations???

What exactly is decent about him? I don't see it.

Even if he does love you, he's battering you. That would be enough of a reason for me to leave.

Of course he's sorry - you might leave him.

You need to realise that even if you love him he is going to keep hurting you. This is not reasonable or acceptable behaviour.

Can you go and stay with family?

Women's Aid. Contact them as soon as you can.

oh christ love get out

get out now

I'm sure there will be someone along to help and there are mners with good advice on this who have had experience but Sunday is quite a quiet mn day

hope someone comes along soon but please end this, do not let this man treat you this way

I don't think he'd care if i left?

he is decent in the way he loves the children and generally is a good person. helps out round house.
he doesn't cone home in a bad mood and lash out. it is always when we row!

It's no good though, is it?

Overcome your love of him with a bit of reason and a bit of respect for yourself. It's no way to live. Next time he checks out, change the locks.

It will be impacting on the children though, whether he loves them or not. It is not good for them to see their mother being beaten by their father.

And they know. Even if you think they don't.

Get out before he starts beating them too.

do your children see this violence?

he is a bully, a coward and a thug.

If he attacked a complete stranger the way he attacks you he would be prosecuted for assault. Why is it less of a crime just because he is married to his victim.

You cannot get him to behave differently. You can only change how you react. Get out. Get your children away from him. The violence will escalate if you don't distance yourself from him.

i'm not in fear of him and he doesn't try to be controlling!?
so why does he behave in this way?

Trying to analyse him won't help. He behaves this way because he can - and that's all there is to it.

No normal man beats his partner in this way.

yep I agree with WigWamBam.
He is bahaving this way because he can. He may love the children but he doesn't take care ofthem - he is beating their mother.
the fact that he hits you where it can't be seen is actually the bit that worries me the most. It means he knows, even at that point exactly what he is doing.
Don't think it is about loss of control as he is in control if he is calculating where he can hit you.
And sorry is the easiest word in the world

is this for real ??

"I knew he was only sorry ...as he hit me where it could be seen. it is always my fault he has done it.."

Classic victim analysis...a little insight then "I wish things could be different".

You must know the answer deep down. See a solicitor in the morning and look into getting an injunction to keep him away/ change locks etc., get a bit of money put aside if you can (do you have a joint a/c?)

You know this isn't normal and you know he won't change, sadly.

i am always amazed at how women post in the opening op, that their man is basically lovely and decent, yet proceeds to say about how he physically assaults her

there is nothing lovely about it at all

and he will not change if you stay with him, as he will see it as permission to carry on, because that is the signal you give out if you stay with someone like that

txs guys, i really appreciate you all answering my post so quickly