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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

mother in law really hates me

11 replies

hannahjackson69 · 26/12/2023 18:58

Hi,
I am writing here, because I have nobody else to talk to and ask for advise. I have been married for 27 years, and my mother in law always hated me. I think it is because I am a foreigner and they are English.
She is always very interfering, calling my husband 10 times a day and asks every single detail about our finances. She gets very annoyed if we buy something new or if we are doing well financially. She is very wealthy, but she doesn't like me to have good things. In fact she has been pestering my husband to sell our house, because she thinks it is too big for us.
She always invites herself around, without asking me. My husband just goes along with it, and tells me not to take her so seriously.
She is extremely unpleasant and never smiles, she always stares at me, in a preditory way making me feel uneasy.
She once screamed "I hate her! I hate her!" at a Christmas dinner at her house because I was quiet and did not give her a long answer when she asked me a question.
She acts like I am not in the room when she talks to people, but she always stares in a really malicious way.
She once hit me, when we were at her summer house in Spain. I really regret not reporting it to the police. this was years ago.
My husband does nothing to defend me, I think because he doesn't want her to cut him out from his inheritance. Her daughter is also really nasty, they start shouting and being aggressive if you try to confront them.
MIL sometimes put on a display of fake crying, to make me look like a villain. I was never disrespectful to her, ever. But I sometimes chose not to go to her gatherings. because it is very painful for me. She is extremely arrogant and selfish. I think she is also racist even though she claims to be a socialist. She is obnoxious and rude, and I think everybody around her is just there because she is rich and they want to use her summerhouse and get free meals.
I cannot stand it anymore. I am really really affected and my mental health is suffering. My husband still sees her, and he never confronted her about her treatment of me. Thank you for listening.

OP posts:
TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 26/12/2023 19:03

Divorce.

You will be SO much happier with some random chump who won’t defend you.

Ditch the whole family.

TinselTitts · 26/12/2023 19:09

Get rid of the useless nasty lump you married, then you won't have to see her again.

Win - win.

hannahjackson69 · 26/12/2023 19:10

I am just scared to find myself even more alone if I get divorced. My husband is normally nice, but this is the thing that comes between us. I try to talk to him but he is not listening.

OP posts:
Whattheheckcarer · 26/12/2023 19:11

Don't visit. Refuse.

Tawlk · 26/12/2023 19:13

Has the horrible old battle axe got long left in her? Your husband sounds like a douche but he’s playing the long game to keep his inheritance. Don’t divorce him until she kicks the bucket then divorce him and take half. You can still 100% check out emotionally but take them for all they are worth if you’re strong enough x

TinselTitts · 26/12/2023 19:13

hannahjackson69 · 26/12/2023 19:10

I am just scared to find myself even more alone if I get divorced. My husband is normally nice, but this is the thing that comes between us. I try to talk to him but he is not listening.

He's the opposite of nice.

You've started a thread about the wrong person here.

Ok, she sounds awful but she's not the one who married you and claims to love you for the rest of your life.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 26/12/2023 19:15

She once screamed "I hate her! I hate her!" at a Christmas dinner at her house because I was quiet and did not give her a long answer when she asked me a question

And your "D"H just goes along with it, tells you not to take her so seriously and is not listening?

Major DH problem right there. I'm the very last to leap to "just get divorced" at every verse end, but this simply isn't working is it?

AttilaTheMeerkat · 26/12/2023 19:26

Your H has fear, obligation and guilt in spades when it comes to his abusive mother. Am not at all surprised that her daughter behaves similarly.

There is also no guarantee his mother will leave anything to him when she dies. Money is often used by such people to further control their victims.

Olika · 26/12/2023 19:31

I would divorce my DH if he didn't stand up for me. You cannot let this continue, absolutely appalling behaviour from your DH to let his mum treat you like this.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 26/12/2023 19:31

There is very little more soul destroying than being in a marriage where you feel alone within it along with being not supported or respected. If you remain with him you will be as lonely, or perhaps even more lonely, than you are now.

LikeAKipper · 26/12/2023 19:59

This didn't sound tooooo horrific....until you got to MIL screaming that she hates you and hitting you. Sorry, but if your DH did not defend you over that at the very least, and ideally go NC with his mother over it - 100% that's grounds for divorce. He's probably had an abusive childhood too from this woman and is scared of her.

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