Ex Husband and Xmas

[Rainbowsnbutterflies]

So, bit of back story, ex and I separated 2.5 years ago- he had an affair now lives with mistress and her DD.
She has previously organised gifts for me from my DS (7) not done, in my opinion, to be nice more of a rub in my face she has my man and is now playing Step mum to my DS.
I politely asked Ex H if he didn’t want to get me anything then not to have her do it this year because it hurts that he thinks so little of me he can’t make a trip to the corner shop for chocs and help DS wrap them.

I sent gifts for both Ex and new GF and her daughter from my DS.

Ex had DS for a few hours on Xmas day he was home for dinner then stayed there Xmas night.

Today DS has returned home with gifts - he tells me Step mum wrapped for me today.

The annoying thing is she has clearly re-gifted - I know this because she has given me the same perfume my ex father in law got me!! (Distinctive perfume single man in late 60’s not used to buying gifts for females) and a gift set.

If it wasn’t so funny I’d be pretty insulted

I have no issue in general with re- gifting - I don’t do it but do put unwanted gift sets into raffles etc.

Does anyone else have issues with ex’s new partner not recognising boundaries?

She's being a fool doing her DPs work, let her crack on it really isn't any skin off your nose that she can't see how little he values her.

How do you know she re wrapped and not him?

Why do you buy her and the sort of step sister a gift 'From' your son - surely that's your ex husbands job? If you're doing wife work for him you can expect her not to

I would inform him it's his job in future

Ps you're a very elegant polite woman dealing with this hard situation with grace and maturity

Your ex must be fucking delighted to have two women running around doing the jobs he should be doing.

Stop being a mug and buying presents for the woman he cheated on you with. It’s bizzare behaviour.

I buy them all because I thought/think it is polite and good manners, especially for the wee girl, she's a young teenager. I know she wrapped it cause my DS told me - he came in with the bag and sat it down - I was upstairs when he came in and didn't see it for sometime- when I did there was no name etc on it so when I asked him if he knew where it came from he told me she had wrapped it and told him to give me it- my older DS (young adult) has confirmed it is the perfume his grandfather gave her- he was there when she opened it.

Ex has always been terrible at gifts

I have asked him several times not to let her organise things- I have explained I find it insulting and hurtful. He, or both seem to revel in same.

The more you explain it to them the more they know it gets a rise out of you.

Why on earth are you buying a gift for your ex? Since my dh has been an ex, I've never bought him anything, not even gifts from our dc. He's not my problem anymore.

Stop buying the ex, the gf and the dd gifts.
You're actually buying gifts for the woman who had an affair with your "d"h.
Or save the regifted perfume and regift it to her next year, that should sort it 😁
Seriously, don't send anymore gifts, it's not the polite thing to do, the gf must be laughing up her sleeve at you

You both need to stop doing things for him 🙈

But I've bought stuff for and helped the kids make things for my sc's mum my oh is crap at presents and stuff and it's definitely not a 'he's mine now thing' it's just a gesture really one I'm now panicking over 🙈 =/ on the flip side though if she had asked for me to specifically not to do it I wouldn't.

@Rainbowsnbutterflies - divorced here too. So - here is my take on it.
Don’t put your son in the middle.
If he is used to brining gifts to Dad’s new house from ‘him’ - and that includes smth small for GF and her daughter - just continue with it.

It’s unrealistic to expect that your Ex - having always been ‘bad with gift’ as you said - that he will suddenly start making an effort to be getting you a present. Or that he’ll listen to you telling his GF what to do.

It’s strange to demand exH is the one getting/wrapping it - to prove you matter to him. He left. Don’t bring up old wounds for yourself - it’ll only hurt you.

In the end of the day - YOU get GF a present from your son. She knows you buy it.
She reciprocates. It’s no more strange, or disrespectful.

Don’t make it an issue. Your son doesn’t need to pick up on the tension.

As to actual re-gifting. Save the perfume and give it to her next Xmas. Absolutely.

Easy. Keep it for DS to give to her next year.

@jsku

As far as re-gifting the re-gifted perfume to the ex’s girlfriend next year, that would be extremely petty, and OP is not petty — she’s been nothing but decent.
Besides - the girlfriend might not be in the picture next year.

Possibly, the gf did get the message about not organising a gift to you from DS. But then you went and sent gifts to them all from DS! Of course she will then want to reciprocate... and the only way to do that, having not shopped, is to regift.

NEXT year, if you dont want any gifts organised by gf, tell your ex that you will not be helping DS to bring any gifts to any of them, as organised by you. Grit your teeth and stick to it.

In a few years time DS will be able to choose and buy his own gifts

Just regift them yourself into a raffle - tell him if you feel like it too - although I'd keep quiet and just glide by the lot.

Mind you, my kids didn't get anything for themselves from ex this year, let alone anything for me! And whilst I had plans of being above it all and being a civilised, adult ex-couple, he blew that out of the water and so now I do absolutely nothing for him. It's very freeing. I recommend it.