Hello, I have a very good friend for around 3 years, we met when we became neighbours - new build properties so we all moved in around the same time. Our daughters are the same age, 14 and quickly became friends.
Our daughters go to different schools but they have bonded well as are very similar. My DD has a diagnosis of autism and ADHD. A few weeks ago we were out for lunch and talking about our DD’s struggles, friend said they have booked a consultation with a psychiatrist to get an on opinion on any potential assessments that are needed (they are unsure if to refer for ASC or ADHD, seem to be fixed in thinking her daughter has a ‘personality disorder’). I mentioned my DD is starting medication for ADHD soon. She made a comment about how I ‘get her assessed for everything’.
Not sure why but it really offended me. My DD has had 2 assessments and has 2 diagnosis, that were recommend by the SENCO and an educational psychologist. Full support from school with both diagnosis. Anyway I didn’t challenge it. Fast forward to yesterday when my DD apparently posted a video on tik tock of someone feeling faint due to low iron. She received some nasty messages from her friend saying she ‘has everything’ and basically is a faker. A few weeks ago (following lunch with her Mum) the friend also messaged mutual friends at my daughter’s school saying she is a faker and fakes having autism.
I just feel like this is coming from the Mum and feel like distancing myself. I feel they are judging me for seeking clarity and support, ensuring my daughter (who has many issues around food due to texture and can experience mood fluctuations) needs are met.
Yet they have have talked for the last 3 years of getting their daughter assessed but don’t know what for. So haven’t moved forward and I know their DD is struggling socially. Although I probably sound a little judgemental know as I am feeling annoyed, but I haven’t once been judgemental and feel I have been a supportive friend in listening to struggles. However me and my DD are made to feel rubbish like we are somehow making it up, really not sure why it bothers me so much. I guess it just feels a bit crap that my DD has these struggles and then I am made out to be making it up! For what reason? It’s bizarre.
I recognise in someways my friends DD has more current struggles - however I think that in part is because my DD understands herself better, has a diagnosis so gets support at school. It’s not because those issues did not exist if we did not have strategies in place to manage.
Anyway I guess I am wondering is my friends reaction fair enough and I should expect some judgement with a child that has 2 diagnosis. Or should I distance from the friendship.