How often does your partner see friends?

[ifiwasyou]

I feel like I may be being totally unreasonable here or I could be so used to a certain behaviour that I don't realise it's wrong.

My partner is always out. He will come home from work at 6 and be gone by 7 4 out of 5 days. Weekends he usually spends home but not always. He says he's going to see his friend who I know briefly. He will sometimes FaceTime me when he's there and he is where he says he is at those times.

Today, we have spent the day at families houses and we came home at 8 and he said he was popping to see his friend. I wasn't happy but he said he was only going to be an hour not a long visit. Off he went. We have 3 kids who I put to bed and I sat down waiting for a nice chilled evening together. It's gone 11 and he's not home. He's FaceTimed me and he's outside his friends house but on his own. He's there watching a film now apparently with his friend and his girlfriend. While I'm here on my own.

I just feel so gutted. How can it be so important to see his friend tonight. I've come to bed as he obviously isn't going to be home any time soon and I'm so upset.

Am I being precious? I know people will think he's having an affair and believe me I've thought the same but most of the time he's genuinely with his friend. Would you be upset?

It's certainly not normal for most men with families to be at mate's house as many or more evenings than they are in their own home.

Whatever he's up to, he's not being a good partner.

I must admit that crossed my mind too. I really can’t see his mates gf tolerating him being the 3rd wheel every single night including Christmas.
I doubt he’s with his mate every time he claims to be

Not to drip feed as I knew it would potentially change peoples opinions but he has had an affair before. It lasted 4 months and we worked through it when I found out. But now I'm wondering if it's happening again

I am so sorry, he's treated you (and actually your kids too) really badly, and it's really highly unlikely that he's not doing it again. And, as you said, his own father was a lying cheat. It's all he knows. In that respect, I pity him, because look what he could've had! A family who love him, right there waiting with open arms. But he couldn't help but sabotage. You've got to tell him you know he's having an affair and somehow work out how to leave. I'm so sorry. But you are worth so much more.

I think he is seeing someone and he also has a Coke habit. Sounds very familiar.
I wouldn't wait until new year either. Why be miserable for longer than you have to be?

Every time he leaves the house to do what he wants he is also controlling what you do with your time. You can't leave three children by themselves. If his mental health is so terrible he needs to abandon his family you'd think he'd get some help for it...

So airy to read your update OP and I think it’s very likely he is playing away. Absolutely no one spends this much time with another couple rather than their own family if it’s entirely innocent. And pretty much the whole of Christmas - no sorry. I can’t see anyway haha a mates gf would tolerate him there the whole time.
Call his bluff. Tell him you know he’s been elsewhere and not with his friend. Do you know where his friends live? I’d be tempted to turn up there

What he's up to makes a lot more sense with this information.

His mate is covering for him/complicit. He keeps his friends separate from you so you don't develop friendships with each other, and he can lie to them about your relationship/your behaviour so they feel sorry for him/that you deserve to be cheated on. Or they cover for each other and have similar attitudes to women.

It's not normal and he's not a partner.