Ex and Christmas

[Oldtomato]

i feel this is a bit of a AIBU

i have been separated for ages from my children’s father they are primary aged children for context.

he bought me several gifts ‘from them’. I have not reciprocated, it didn’t cross my mind too, although it did remind me he did similar last year on a smaller scale so perhaps I should have foreseen this but it wasn’t on my mind in the build up.

I find it has and it’s not a word I use often ‘triggered’ me.

like I have to open them on my time with the kids and he has inserted himself into it.

if I tell him thanks but please don’t do it again I’m ungrateful. If I set a reminder to tell him next year no/token only gift it comes across presumptuous.

Knowing him as I do it’s not a benevolent act and part of the performative parenting he likes to do while leaving all the hard stuff to me.

how do I let this go this year but stop it happening again?

Kindly.....

like I have to open them on my time with the kids and he has inserted himself into it.

Just open the gifts (as if from the CHILDREN)
And go about your day, you're actively making this about him, doesn't have to be that way.

Your kids will be happy they can give you presents if they are primary age, and that's a good lesson for them to learn that it feels nice to give gifts.

If the kids chose them, which they’ll have enjoyed and teaches them the joy of giving, accept it as nice thing they got to do and thank them.

In itself it’s no sign he’s an evil monster, your reaction is very over the top.

Yabu, they are from the kids, you sound ungrateful and dramatic.

I thought I would get responses like this. If it was one small gift from them that would be fine, I don’t need multiple gifts from somebody that couldn’t be bothered to make an effort when we were together.

It’s literally exactly what he wants, I look bad for not giving anything. He’s the lovely Dad, for going the extra mile. I’m the shitty one for feeling uncomfortable with it.

This is just one of those occasions that you need to rise above it. You know full well he's being manipulative and doing it to have a dig at you. But your kids are too young to understand that. Bite your tongue and smile for their sake. Sadly, doing the right thing even though you might not feel like it, is part of being in a coparenting relationship. Lots of us are in the same boat and do understand. It doesn't make you shitty. It's not fair, but it's the right thing for the kids IMO. I helped my DD buy presents every year for her dad, he never reciprocated yet gave long present suggestion lists to me for her to give to him. I got nothing year after year. But because I taught DD how to give gifts and why, she's old enough that she now buys me little things herself and takes great pleasure in choosing and wrapping and surprising me.

I'd say call out his bullshit, you won't be "ungrateful" because you know what he's doing and he knows what he's doing.

and even if it makes you ungrateful, that's not a bad thing. You don't have to be grateful for his little mind-games.