Greener Grass?

[LatelyOfShalott]

This time of the year I always feel down. I’ve not had a proper relationship for nearly 20 years and after many years as a single mum, a couple of years back my kids finally flew the nest for good.

With a history of dreadful partners (cheating husband included) I know being on my own is so much better than running the risk of yet more heartache. But gosh Christmas makes it hard!

In a few years I’ll be 60. I don’t really have many friends, and my work keeps me pretty busy. OLD has been disastrous: the last time I did it, not a single guy contacted me (I’m a little overweight and not particularly attractive but most guys my age want someone under 40!!!)

I really could do with messages reassuring me the green isn’t greener. Remind me please that being alone and Ok is just fine.

Rummage through the relationships board and see the utter dross that is the male of the species - that's what I do anyway!

Hit up Bumble. I tried the rest, use the best.... go premium. You will get matches and on that platform the women have to respond before the men can message. So no unsolicited dik piks.

Sorry didn't read your whole post before responding. Yes, being on your own is totally ok, if that works for you. I spent 14 years blissfully single.

This is so true.

I’m on my own at 49 after my 22 year marriage ended 18 months ago and when I peruse the relationship boards its full of women who are being treated so dreadfully by their partners, which makes me very glad to be on my own.

So many women are in such awful situations of emotional and psychological abuse. A lot don’t even know it and just accept it as the norm, defending their worthless husbands in a desperate attempt to ignore their own oppression. Many are stuck and have no other options.

Many women have their time, their emotional and physical labour exploited by a partner who doesn’t respect them. Men who buy their leisure time off the back of their women’s contribution to the relationship. Literally, women’s precious lives are being stolen by inconsiderate men who foist all responsibility onto an overworked partner. And no matter what some women do, their men will decide it’s still not good enough and find fault. Many men would rather live life in permanent marital conflict than ever bother to care about another person. Women are in relationships with men who believe they deserve to relax at the end of their day and their wife doesn’t, because women’s needs just don’t matter as much, and women’s work doesn’t count (even when it’s paid work). Women are trapped in the old double bind of if they don’t ask for help they’re not communicating properly, but when they ask him to start pulling his weight they’re a nag.

Studies show that men show more health benefits from being married, with middle-aged married women being at higher risk of physical and mental conditions than their single counterparts. No wonder.

I consider myself to have had a lucky escape. I was living out a life sentence before, walking on eggshells. It was a gilded cage but a cage none the less. If I look after myself I might have 25-35 years to live life on my own terms and that seems like a pretty sweet deal to me. My bestie is a warden in a retirement village and her residents are my inspiration, they have such busy social lives and enjoy so many activities.

I know which situation I’d rather be in.