Partner mad because I don’t want Xmas at his friends every year

[Megbryan]

Just need a reality check. My partner of 5 years is absolutely fuming with me because I said I don’t want to spend every Christmas at his friends with him. I like them but I don’t want to spend all Christmas at someone else’s house. To be fair they are like family to him but I’m still getting to know them. He’s so mad at me and he says I’m controlling and I’m sitting here alone a bit lost. For context I only have minimal family that I can’t see due to distance/sbroad.

YANBU. Is he the man for you? He sounds selfish and boring.

No I don’t think he is. I’m sick of being told off by him

Also it’s not just a day he spends all of it with them, I feel a bit awkward about spending all of it with them

Does he not see the irony here in calling you controlling when he's the one controlling how yous spend Xmas day and who with. He doesn't get to decree what you do

Why does it have to be Christmas day? You all could so something fun on Boxing day or another day during this week. It's all part of the celebrations. His reaction is over the top and the fact that he is unwilling to listen to you or compromise is not a good sign.

Try to think of this as a gift from him. Sometimes we need something that shows clearly how wrong a relationship is, otherwise we tend to just muddle along. This doesn't need to be the pattern for your life, you can break free and start again.

I hope next year brings you a new start, and the start of a better future.

I know I said that about a day like Boxing Day, well he’s told me to ‘think on’ and that I’m controlling him, the thing is I said to him I don’t mind if you go and I’ll make plans, I’m fine with that.

This sounds petty but it’s the last in a long line of this not working so I’m alone now and wanted to get a reality check

He sounds horrible.

Just to clarify - are you okay for him to spend it with friends while you do your own thing at home? Or is he having to choose between seeing his friends or spending it just the two of you together?

No I told him ages ago if it’s important then go and I’ll spend it at home/go out.

Yeah, just dump him, he sounds shite. Never allow a man to ‘tell you off’, who the fuck does he think he is?
The only reason to have a boyfriend is that the relationship is mean to enhance your life and be fun. You’re not meant to date some prick just for the sake of it.

So you've been together 5 years and he's still in the 'hanging out with mates rather than gf' stage and you aren't getting a hint about your relationship becoming more serious?

Yeah, this one needs throwing back for someone who doesn't want to do playtime still.

Has he use the word 'nagging' yet?

Hes a child.

Do you want to date a child?

No I know, thanks

Even if his friends are like his family, when it comes to Christmas and relationships there is usually compromise. Couples tend to alternate between each other's families or staying at home. Also you’re his partner, his equal so no way should he be telling you off!!

So your family live a long way away. I would have thought you’d see them some years. Your ‘partner’ is basically telling you that’s controlling as well. Oh the irony.

He’s controlling you by forcing you to join his friends for Christmas every single year, whether you want to or not. Is he a complete arse in other ways too?

Yes he is an arse.

Could you organise to go and see family? Any way you could travel? This guy sounds like an arse.

@Megbryan

You may be alone, but you aren't 'lost'. You have YOU and you are enough. Turn on the telly and watch what YOU want or put on some of YOUR favourite music. Do whatever it is that he normally stops or discourages you from doing. I'm sure you can think of a few things! Hopefully you have some nice things to eat or you can order something. But even if not, remember that you can eat what you want and as much as you want of what's in the house. Right now, he can't control you. So relax and enjoy the peace.

Tomorrow, if you don't live together dump him. If you do, start planning your exit. Life is good. Don't waste your happiness.

You don't have to do anything that you don't want to do.

This behavior from him is controlling...and could be potential underlying abusive..he is acting like you are attached to his hip and he can't function a few hours without you in his direct presence.

His behavior and fuming is unwarranted. Sounds like he doesn't trust you, and want you in his direct presence. Wanting you where he is and spending time with his friends, instead of understanding that you'd rather do other things during the holidays is a red flag...

If you don't trust him, maybe he's trying to prove trustworthy to you..by you being aware of what he's doing, instead of you questioning later.

If his behavior continues..perhaps it's time to reconsider this relationship.

He sounds terrible, and uninterested in the relationship, just interested in being terrible to you.

Thus is no way to live. He isn't the guy for you. This relationship is unhealthy.

Please drop him.

It sounds like 2024 is the year to go and meet someone new. Someone kinder and more considerate. Someone who makes you happy.

Good luck OP.

Of course you aren't 'controlling', your partner can spend Christmas where he wants but you are not obliged to go with him.

Just get rid of him, he sounds shit.