Hello, I’ve just joined and this is my first post.
I think my husband is abusive but I’m not sure. We have been married 22 years and he has anger issues. He loses it over minor things then blames everyone else, yells, says things like ‘he’s sick of everyone’, storms off and doesn’t talk till he has calmed down (sometimes for a couple of days) then acts like nothing happened and all is right with the world. He has told me to f off or f you in anger a few times, once in front of the kids. We weren’t even having an argument, he just didn’t like what I had suggested.
He threw some clothes from the couch onto the floor in anger because he wanted to lay down on the couch and then stormed off to his study for the rest of the night. He ranted at my son, who was miserable and in hospital, blaming him for ending up there (wasn’t his fault at all).
He makes subtle threats, like ‘I won’t go if you take the dogs with you’. The one time we came close to splitting he said he would die alone if we split up, so I felt guilty and awful and gave in.
He used to buy me chocolates and flowers after he screwed up which I hated as it felt so manipulative. Now he just expects everyone to forgive and forget once he has calmed down but is also super nice and sweet and helpful.
Our situation is complicated, leaving is not an easy option due to the health of one of our children but I’m so miserable and feel like I’m suffocating. He thinks our marriage is fine and we will be together forever. I can’t talk to him because he always turns things around so it’s mine or someone else’s fault. I feel so trapped.