Splitting up but still living together ?

[Notsofestivenow]

Can this work ? We are very recently in this situation.

Neither of us has family or friends plus dc have SEN so don’t want to disrupt or upset them and we just don’t have enough money for one of us to live elsewhere!

We don’t argue or dislike each other unfortunately we just don’t love each other that way or have attraction to one another anymore.

So can this work ? Has anyone done this and it was ok? We luckily have a spare room so that wasn’t an issue.

I'm doing it right now.
Split up last Jan after 16 yrs together, he moved out for a couple of nights, came back looking horrendous, told him to get his head down in the spare room and he's never left.
We've not fallen out just fallen out of love.
We talk all the time, we support each other emotionally, watch TV together, we eat together, we share the housework, we cook for each other, we do each other's washing, we just sleep separately.
Today we went to town for some shopping, drinks and lunch, met up with my DD and her DH.
Tomorrow we're having Christmas dinner with my DD and her DH at their house.
We're not together due to finances, I own the house we live in and exdp has a house he rents out, we both have good jobs and money.
We have no DC together and we're probably a lot older than you, we call our relationship "our situationship"
Neither of us plan to meet anyone else yet, it works for us, you could make it work for you.
The stumbling block would be if either of you meet a new partner

I would like to add that we've also been on holiday together this year.
And I don't actually plan for the situation to carry on forever, it just works for now.

This is exactly how we are - we get on fine we get on really well and yet the attraction has just gone and we just aren’t in love with each other but I’d consider us to be good friends.

Im in peri menopause and the last thing I want is a new relationship, I can’t think of anything worse I just feel like I like my personal space, my own bed at night and I’m happy with that. It’s all relatively new though so I guess I can only speak for myself so maybe things will change but I know i definitely don’t want a relationship

I told my ex I wanted a divorce in September and filed in October. He's still living with me and DD17 but mostly sleeps on the sofa. (We only have a 2bed). I am finding it very hard because I want rid of him (our relationship has been really bad for years) but he's entitled to stay, legally. He doesn't earn enough to live in his own place locally where we can effectively co-parent. I can't wait to sell our property and move on to be honest.

We did it for a year. Split after 23 years and our DD was 11 at the time so we wanted to do it gradually and carefully.

He moved into the spare room. We also had a holiday booked and after a lot of consideration, decided to go. We had a two bed apartment so my son and ex shared the twin room and I had the double to myself. It actually worked for us as we felt there was no presume we could just chill and do our own thing.

After a year, he moved into a rented flat and we’re still amicable now

@Notsofestivenow
It sounds like you're ready to give it a go, try it for a while but be prepared to go through a range of emotions.
Once we decided to split we both had serious doubts, there were a lot of tears, it felt very final.
Now, I have absolutely no doubts, he feels like my lodger/friend but I wonder how I'll feel when he does eventually leave, will it be like breaking up with your best friend, that's worse than breaking up with a partner ❤️

I'm in the same situation. We decided a few weeks ago it wasn't working.
It's been hard because I've felt quite lonely initially but I'm starting to see the future.

We have a 10 year old who we haven't told. When we do I will be moving into a spare room and we will continue to live together until we can get the house sold.

I wish you all the best with this and also glad I'm not alone in this very strange situation.

XP did this with his XW for 3 years. They chose to for their DS. Separate bedrooms and separate lives.

XP said it just got too difficult and they realised they needed to split properly. So they nested for a further 6 months whilst they argued who'd get the house. XW moved out in the end, while XP got the house with 80% primary carer for DS.

That was in 2020. We're still in touch, so I know XW spent today at the old family home for the sake of harmony for their now 14 yr old DS.

So it can be done. Don't think of it as a permanent solution though.

If your both ok with each other and get along it can maybe work short term but it won’t work if either of you meet someone knew. You say above you’re not interested in a new relationship but what about him? What if in 2 months time he starts seeing someone?

Hi I’m just wondering how you went on as I am going through something similar at the moment. Are you still living together ?