On holiday with emotional abusive H

[Oatcakesandmarmite]

Have come away for ‘Christmas’ with H and teens.
Hes been sulky with everyone. Constantly asking for compliments. And we’ve all stopped now as can’t cope with his emotions when he’s not central to everything.
He’s snapped at the teens, they both go quiet on him.
He’s now turned on me. Mocked me, torn me to shreds emotionally. Everything I say, he mutters a condescending comment that only I can hear, then is all smiles to the DC.
I don’t want to be here at all, I just want to be home. Trying to hold tears back constantly as don’t want him to see he’s upset me. Just want to be away from him. Another week to go and just don’t know how to cope.

last night he kept me awake til 5pm being a dickhead. Shouting at me then doing everything to stop me sleeping.

I feel worn down and so alone

Can't you and kids just go home and leave him there?

Urghh, can't help but can relate to being berated for hours at nighttime and not being allowed to sleep for something I've either not done or minor.

You realise this is highly abusive behaviour, right? As in domestic abuse which includes controlling behaviour and bullying.

Gather up your children and leave.

Report his behaviour to the police. Tell EVERYBODY that he is abusive and throw as much light on his behaviour as you can.

Domestic abuse like this thrives in the dark. It is like a dirty secret.

Call him out. Do it LOUD and do not stand for it for one more second.

Leave him. There is life beyond this.

If you can do it in a safe way, record him on your phone. Write down every single abusive incident with times and dates and email it to yourself. When away from him, try to communicate by texting so everything is recorded.

In the meantime, can you and the children go out for the day/ by the pool/ sightseeing? Anything to get away in the day? Can you sleep on the sofa?

I'm so sorry you are married to a bully.

Book onto the next available flight (home or frankly to anywhere that appeals), quietly gather the kids, passports and bags, and leave him to it.

We are abroad so I can’t go home.

I’ve started writing it down. I just feel so so alone.

im going to ask for spare bedding from reception so I can sleep on the sofa I think.

I FaceTimed my family this morning as felt I just needed to speak to someone about normal stuff. (They don’t know about what he’s doing. Although I’ve disclosed to my sister before on occasions and she’s been lovely)

Why can you not go home @Oatcakesandmarmite ?

Because it involves a 10 hour flight

PP mean why can’t you book an earlier flight or change you existing flights?

You CAN go home. Tell your family and fly home with kids. Get a lawyer and never spend another day being abused. It took me years and years to get away from a monstrous narcissist abuser who nobody thought behaved like that. Been free for years but my dc had the scars. Confide in family and ask for help.

I really can’t leave to go home. Practicalities to get back to the UK are massive. It’s 4 more sleeps til our flight. I just need to get thru the next few days. It just feels so so shit to be undermined constantly. Even the things I’m proud of, he laughs at

Ok then love, use your energy to plan what you'll do and where you'll go when you get back, 2024 is only a week away so plan for it to be a wonderful new start. Getting out of an abusive relationship is bumpy, but it is so, so worth it - I got divorced not long ago and so far this Christmas is the happiest I've felt (same for the kids) for a long time. We're all here for you and will help as much as we can. You can do it!

He's emotionally abusing all of you.

Can you make a plan to leave him once the holiday is over?

You know you need to get yourself and your children away from this abuser don't you?

@Oatcakesandmarmite . Sending you my support....xx I had one like this - he was always the victim...would yell and scream and belittle and mock and say the most horrible things...even when on holiday would find an excuse to call me name or keeping me awake all night saying how hard done by he was....
I left two years ago and tomorrow is my second xmas day where I have not had to put up with his shit.....Blisss.......xxx
Make sure when you get home to leave with the kids and stop this emotional abuse. He will not change and you do not have to accept it for the rest of your life. We only have one life - do not give him anymore of yours .....

Can you sleep in with your DC?

Sorry I but your CAN go home now. Speak to the hotel, rep or whatever and see if flights can be brought forward. Pack and go

when back look at leaving

Leave him. Life is so much better without the tantrums, silent treatment, walking on eggshells etc. No-one should be treated this way. He only does it to make himself feel important. That's not love. You deserve so much better.

I know everyone is telling you to leave. But you stated that he is targeting your teens as well. Talk with them about what is going on. If they have a separate room you might want to stay with them.

Could you hold a pillow over his mouth when he is asleep? Maybe he could have an accident and fall off a balcony or cliff? Just an idea 😈

when you get home plan to leave him immediately - your kids will be suffering too, so if not for you leave him for them. Get all your ducks in a row - retain passports/ documents etc - call women's aid or your local dom violence charity for support, speak to your solicitor and leave this utter twat!

Please, please do not stay! He knows what he is doing and he knows he is abusing you - do not let this carry on! You can do this!

Can you get your family to meet you at the airport, so you can get away straight away?