Husband wants to seperate after 25 years, feeling lost

[Anonymously123]

A week ago, partner of 25 years has said he wants to leave as our relationship as it is not working any more and we both need to be happy. Things haven't been right, but still a shock. He did have a mini crisis 5 years ago, but after a couple if weeks away,counselling and increase in medication he came back. But this time he said he knows it is the right thing to do for all of use. DD is 11 and seems to be doing OK, but I am struggling. We are currently living together, and he will be moving in a few days. So scared for the future, so scared what this is doing to DD. I can't stop crying and feeling sick, I know it is probably for the best, but being together 25 years and meeting at 18 years old, it is a head wreck. Any advice on what to do next? Everyone is being civil I have family to talk too and they are listening, but I know i can't keep crying jn their shoulders. Concern what this impact is on Dd

Sorry OP it's really shit.

And of course he doesnt want to talk about finances etc. He'll want to do this once he's got his private plans sorted out.

It might sound awful to you, and hard to hear but he is no longer on your side, he is only on his own side. Set your emotions away if you possibly can, this is a business transaction now.and you owe it to ypur DD and to you to get the best possible deal you can.

As @HellonHeels says, he’s not on your side anymore so you press on with the practicalities and present him with what you think it fair once you’ve had legal advice. One positive thing if he’s ignoring everything is that you can dig through the accounts, pension statements, etc. and determine exactly what’s available (in case he starts trying to hide assets at a later date). Make copies and a spreadsheet now.
I know it sounds cold, but as PP’s have said you need to prioritize yourself and your DD.

He can’t bury his head in the sand, he’s initiated this, he’ll have to face it.

I am in the same boat OP. Blindsided after 20 years. I also have an 11 year old as well as a younger child. Perhaps we can handhold each other through this. I am just crushed. So crushed.

We have discussed finances and agreed an amount he will pay each month to help pay the mortgage and for our DD, and that has eased some of my worries. I still feel I am stuck in limbo, feel sick all the time, scared of the unknown . I'm trying so hard for my DD, she is my world.

Do you work @Anonymously123 ? If so, are you able to pick up any more hours?

When will your dp/dh be moving out? All the while he is with you - are you getting a force sense of security that he will not leave.

Have a look online to see what benefits you can get.

It’s like having the ground fall away under your feet. I’m sorry you’re going through it.

What HellOnHeels and HamBone have said is true. I know you’re in shock and worrying about his future but you need to focus on you and your DD right now. You’ve spent years as a couple and then a family. It’s hard to start to separate those interests but it needs to be done.

I know people on here always say there’s another woman. I’d seen it so often on here that when my ex said he wanted a divorce I just assumed that was the case. I’d never had any concerns at all about cheating during our relationship but I’d also never thought he would ask for a divorce out of the blue after over 20 years. I had to accept that he wasn’t the person I thought he was. Losing the man I thought I was married to was the hardest thing.

Focusing on what I could control, sorting out the financial paperwork, making sure I had enough to cover the bills and finding a solicitor kept me going.

Hi,
I'm new here and came across your post and it’s literally exactly what I’m going through right now down to the amount of years together (25) and how old I was when we got together (18)
My partner told me in the new year that he wants to separate. He says he still loves me but doesn’t feel the same about me anymore. Even though I do understand that we’ve had some troubles in the relationship, I personally didn’t realise it was that bad. I actually thought we were doing ok. I have fibromyalgia so I do struggle with energy but still do as much as I can every day. I’m just so lost and hurt. My heart is breaking and I just don’t know how to deal with this. I keep going through phases of crying uncontrollably, to feeling angry, then numb, then crying again. He’s always supported me & my son who is 22 but still living with us. He wants to put the house up for sale then split the profit and we go out separate ways. He’s all I’ve known since being 18 and I’m terrified
I don’t even know if this will be seen as the original post was over a year ago
I’d love to know how the OP is doing now
I hope you’re well! 🩷