Is it me in the wrong,or him?

[DustyLee123]

Every year DH, I think, spends far too much on his siblings and goes to lengths to get something he thinks is special/funny. He spends an awful lot of time finding the right thing. Buying off eBay and auctions, paying P&P.
In the past I’ve gone mad at the money spent, time spent and the lengths gone to, when we’ve got kids and a house, he doesn’t do anywhere near 50% and little DIY jobs don’t get done.
Anyway, last year he said that he wasn’t doing it any more. But surprise, surprise, he has. And he’s been hiding things and been secretive about it.
So the question is, does he have the ‘right’ to do/spend as much as he wants, or should there be some consideration to the fact that I think it’s too much? We are meant to be a partnership, with some compromise.
Trying to work out if I’m being controlling or not. And if I am then it’s time to split and let him get on with it.

I'm sure I've seen posts from you saying you're preparing for splitting up. Have I got this right?

Look at it logically. He doesn’t have to stop something he enjoys, that he can afford (it’s paid off the next month) because for some inexplicable reason you don’t like it.

That doesn’t mean overall he is a good husband. Or that him not doing anything around the house is also ok.

You can be reasonable about just not wanting to be married to him anymore. But be unreasonable about this. You are picking this as the main issue when it’s not.

The question is why don’t you just separate?

I couldn't put up with this. Can you easily afford to lose all that money? Him disappearing when the shopping arrives would drive me absolutely nuts.

Do you go out to work?

100% this, you are fixated on something that’s harmless really - just because you don’t like it,
you seem to picking a fight with him over nothing, then ignoring the big stuff.

who is in the wrong, both of you equally

Yes I work, and still do the cleaning

Just trying to understand this better - is there an element of you feeling embarrassed by this because you feel the things he is buying are "tat" and it embarrasses you that he gives these gifts?

I ask because what you've said reminds me a bit of my mum's partner. He just has the most cringeworthy and embarrassing sense of "humour" (as a quick example, if he's asked to put the kettle on, he genuinely thinks it's side-splittingly funny to put his hands on his hips, pout, and say "But it won't fit me" EVERY SINGLE TIME).

Well if it is not jealousy and he is not causing any financial difficulties, I wouldn’t know how else to describe it, other than you sound downright nasty. I would not dream of telling my husband what he should spend on his brothers nor worry about how long he spends wrapping it up.

You should say to him that you would like him to do his share of shopping for your own kids and discuss the other sharing of chores, but that is not related to shopping for his siblings.

Yes, there is a touch of embarrassment as these presents are in my name too, and a lot of it would go straight to the charity shop if I got it.

Thanks for all of your replies, it’s obviously none of my business. I will renew thoughts of divorce after the 27th.

Ik what other people are saying I do BUT.
If my partner didn't do 50% of chores/shopping/wrapping/cooking/prep say in December, however they would take ownership of the DIY I would be like ok that's fair (if there's a fair bit of diy)

For them to then NOT do any diy and spend hours on anyone outside of the family unit I would be pissed.

It's ok saying that's horrible your jelous etc well yeah what if OP wanted to spend that time on her siblings? Or her kids and she can't because he's too busy in the other room doing his thing? So that time and money is taken away from timr that could be spent with or on their children and each other.

But I could be wrong

Husband loves his siblings.

Should I leave him?

What. Have. I. Just. Read?