I'm not sure where exactly to go with this. Nc incase outing.
Dh has a very demanding job and is currently in one of the most busy periods in the year. We've a 1 year old who's just started nursery and this means he's been sick with some cold or bug every few weeks which affects his sleeping and inevitably he passes it on to us.
I can tell dh feels like he's running on fumes and is exhausted. I know he's stressed with work and it feels like since I've just gone back to work there's been a big change in how we divide housework etc as it can't all fall to me any more. He's struggling to enjoy hobbies and says they feel like a chore now, but I still think he benefits from them and is less stressed when he goes to these which is twice a week when I can encourage him out the door. He made a flyaway comment about being depressed a few weeks ago but then point blank refused to talk about it any further.
My issue is that he's more of a hot head than I am. And I'm really struggling with how he is reacting to things I do or don't do that annoy him. Firstly he makes this face that says exactly how annoyed he is even if he doesn't say anything (he does have a really expressive face and i don't think he's always aware he's doing it). That immediately puts me on edge and often it's over small things that wouldn't normally bother him or things that I do all the time so I'm not asking anything unfair (think along the lines of can you keep ds with you while you cook so i can get housework done). Secondly he has started to snap at me all the time. Just little remarks like 'all you do is complain' or 'just fuck up' or just other little bite backs that are quite cutting in how he says them. I've told him repeatedly how much I hate being spoken to like that and I NEVER speak to him or react in that way even when I'm angry. I am much more mild mannered and laid back than he is to be fair. It's just starting to get more frequent and it's really beginning to affect how confident I feel in our relationship and in myself. He would never have spoken to me like this before ds came along so i do think it's exhaustion and overwhelm rather than anything more sinister or abusive but I don't know how to get back to how we were before. Normally I'm very calm in how i deal with moments like that and we talk it through, but I'm also exhausted and flat out and honestly I'm getting really fed up of having to help him mediate his emotions into what he should say instead of snapping. So now I end up going quiet and not speaking to him for a bit because I'm upset and hopeful he'll apologise (rarely ever does) or I'll get annoyed and it turns into an argument. None of which is constructive but I'm starting to begrudge always having to be the level headed one when I'm already at my own max capacity.
We get little to no time together as a couple and a lot of the time by the evenings we're both so wrecked we just end up on seperate sofas in silence before heading up to bed. Sex is non existent and we've talked about it and agreed we want to be intimate more but I've initiated and he doesn't so then i feel a bit let down by that.
We don't have anyone who can do regular childcare for us and I know part of dh stress is stemming from our savings running down while I was on maternity so he never wants to go anywhere or spend anything (not that i ever suggest anything expensive because i know we need to build our savings back up). This is also another reason why he's held back on his hobbies so much.
I do love him very much, he very much does his equal share of parenting and housework etc. It just feels like we've got to a real rocky patch and I don't know how we pull it back. I know they say the first few years of having kids is tough in a relationship but please tell me it gets better.