Silent treatment - broken me

[Imtheproblemitsme5]

I filed for divorce after ex ignored me for 3 weeks, told me everything was my fault, smashed up my ipad, told me he could never tell me I’m a good mum, called me a bully…

Been struck in the same house for 18 months whilst financials were sorted. I’ll be moving out soon.

The whole time he hasn’t spoken to me, or even looked at me, even in front of the children (young primary age). He’ll communicate by email when he feels like (including to criticise my parenting).

Despite not doing much with them before he separated, he’s now super dad. He’s told the children I’m a bully.

I feel like I must deserve this. Maybe because he’s right and everything is my fault. Maybe because I left. Maybe because I’m a bad mum. I don’t know.

I just feel like ex and the kids would he fine if I disappeared. I just make their lives worse.

I feel so sad but he seems fine, so I guess it’s me.

Not really sure why I’m posting but I don’t want to bother anyone in real life.

Thank you so much for all the replies, especially for sharing your similar experiences.

I’ll be moving out in about a month, so nearly there. (Yes, he’s keeping the house as I’m the higher earner
and he lost his job recently, so I’m the only one who can get a mortgage).

I’m really hoping moving out helps, but I’m scared it won’t. I’m really struggling with blaming myself, constant rumination, thinking about what I should have done differently. Obviously I wasn’t perfect (and maybe my original post was unfair to him…I would get frustrated and occasionally raised my voice). I feel like if I had been better things would have been ok.

I guess I’m disappointed that life isn’t better having left him as well. I still have to deal with him, but he ignores me, refuses to go to parents evening with me, then texts me politely about something like arrangements with DC’s dentist appointment and I reply politely. It has just messed with my head so much. And he had the kids for Christmas. I did some volunteering which was lovely and I’m doing Christmas with them later in the week, but I missed them so much that I just think I should have stayed with him. At least then I wouldn’t have to share the kids 50-50. I thought I’d feel better about myself if I left, but I just feel worse.

Sorry for the long rambling post, I just feel really sad today.

@Imtheproblemitsme5

Sorry I haven't been back to the thread sooner and I'm sorry that you felt so sad on Boxing Day, although I don't blame you if you didn't have the children for Christmas, that must have been really hard for you.

How are you today?

OP it's very hard and I can relate to all the thoughts and feelings you are experiencing having been in a similar situation myself.

Hang in there and it will feel better soon, it's a massive adjustment to separate and I too (still do sometimes) feel like I made a bad situation worse in different ways by leaving my marriage. The truth is I did it for my DS and my own sanity, to forge a new better life as I tried everything to make my marriage work.

Please be kind to yourself. Look forward to a fresh start in the new year.

PM me if this helps

OP, he is proving every day what a worthless creature he is. You are coping heroically. He may fool DC now, but one day they’ll realise he was just lovebombing them. You’d held it together brilliantly. Stay strong. Your and DC’s lives will be so much better without him. Good luck xx

So sorry I haven't been back to this post for a few days. I've been away with the kids which was lovely. Back to reality now and struggling a bit. Mainly with regret I suppose...feeling like I should have tried harder. I know there were some really hard times in the marriage, where he ignored me, stonewalled me, called me a bully etc., but at least then I had some really good days. Now I just feel down a lot of the time.