Hi, I've been in sad for a while. Not my usual self. A number of years but it's getting worse. I'm now doing some CBT through NHS talk therapy they suggested I have moderate depression and anxiety that it may be due to stress.
My relationship is not perfect. Because I'm am depressed any problems must be my fault because of the depression. I'm beginning to wonder if actually the relationship is causing the depression.
For example this week our Christmas plans were changed. Because of an illness in the family. I wanted one solution which (which would make myself and my parents happiest) my dh wanted a different solution (which would be most emotionally beneficial to himself, his sibling and parents) and cut the amount of work and time We would give to all by half. We talked and I insisted on my solution lest change to my plans. Later in the day after, I found myself back peddling and agreed to his solution which was fine.
Except this morning on reflection I replayed the scene and realised that I had been unreasonable putting my family first. But he had also been unreasonable putting his first. But it was me who had tears and made apologies. Then he actually told me well done for admitting my errors talking it through and coming round to the 'correct' solution. That in the conversation I had done all the talking saying more and more to appease him while he was mostly silent until this final congratulations then I was sent to bed as I was tired and needed the sleep I I can cope better in the morning. This morning that doesn't feel healthy.
I'd like to do some reading on the subject to see what signs I should be looking for along side my CBT I think it would help me get some perspective to get stronger.
Thanks