Grandad gaslighting nan?

[AliceH11]

Hi Everyone,

I am writing on this forum as I have no friends to talk to. I am 31F and I have lived with my grandparent's all my life. They are basically my mum and dad.

Over a month ago, I noticed a change in my nan, she became very anxious over various things (We have had some family problems outside of our household).
My grandad snores a lot and my nan made a comment about this, and apparently my grandad has turned around and said "well you where rooting in the wardrobe during the night". My nan says she cannot remember doing this and now every time i come home from work she brings it up. She said that she opened the wardrobe by mistake and she did mistaken it for the door because it was dark, but because my grandad has said she was "rooting through it" she has taken this very badly and thinks he has said this to hurt her and now she will not let it go.

Tonight i broke down because my grandad was feeling dizzy and he nearly collapsed, He went to bed and I broke down into hysterics crying. My nan has always been quite cold emotionally but she didn't even comfort me and kept saying "well sometimes people say things and put things in your head".
This is not normal behaviour and now she has been looking online and thinks he is trying to gaslight her? Has anyone else been through this? I have now turned to alcohol to cope because it is all the time and I am struggling to cope
Thank you

Sorry to hear this. But I assume that there hasn't ever been gaslighting before? If this is the case I suspect that there are other factors concerned. Memory issues for example with regards to your Nan. No-one forgets where the door to the bedroom is if they have lived in the house for a while.
A quick test would be to ask her what month or year it is. Days are easily forgotten when you're retired, so that's not a great question. Anxiety comes with memory issues. So check and if you are concerned, get her to her GP.
But please also get your Grandad to a GP too, to get his blood pressure checked.

I think it's more medical than anything else.

You need to get yourself to a doctor if you are needing to alcohol to cope for whatever reason you are giving yourself. Are you well enough to be able to move out and support yourself in your own flat?

It sounds like a normal thing to say when you’re annoyed at being woken up IMO. I think it’s pushing it to say gaslighting.

No it wasn't gaslighting, I'd have probably said the same thing.

When you broke down into hysterical crying - he's her husband, shouldn't you be the one offering support to her a bit as well? I think if I'd seen my partner nearly collapse, I might not be in the frame of mind to comfort someone else.

If you're having trouble coping with the situation, alcohol is guaranteed to make everything worse. Talk to your gp about how you're feeling, if you're struggling. You can also talk to them about your concerns about your grandparents.

That doesn't sound like gaslighting. It sounds like a normal thing to say if you woke in the night to find your OH was opening the wardrobe door.

I understand your concern. It may be that your Grandma would benefit from seeing her GP, rather than this being a Grandad problem.

Please don't resort to alcohol. It will only make matters worse. It isn't a crutch to help you deal with things - it makes life harder. There is literally NO benefit to drinking alcohol.

Is there anything you can do about making new friends / getting out of the house more? A hobby? Volunteering? Walking group? It might help you to deal with issues better (being hysterical and taking to alcohol is a worrying response).