Is this unreasonable to say?

[historiccastles]

With my partner just over 2 years. We don't live together. He lives with his mum and son about 90 mins away from me. (His mum is his carer as he has a disability.) I live with my teenage daughters.

This year I invited him and his son to mine for Christmas when it looked like his mum was going to visit other relatives, that changed and so he turned down my invite and is having Christmas at his house with his mum and son. I invited my parents to mine so all good.

The plan was that we'd see each other on the 23rd to exchange gifts and spend some time together, then we wouldn't see each other till the NY.

When we agreed this I specifically said I didn't know if I could stay over as depends on what I have left to do. Mid-week, he asked again and I said I would but would have to leave early.

This morning he casually tells me he's got some wrapping for me to do for him tomorrow (which he can't do due to his disability) and we'll have to 'run around' doing some errands. Doesn't sound a lot like quality time to me. He doesn't ask me can I help, just tells me I am.

This is part of a pattern of him using 'dates' to run errands recently and he also has form for feeling that I'm not prioritising him enough if I don't stay over/leave early/want to do something with my kids instead.

Going to him tomorrow is going to be £30 of petrol that will be money I can't spend on Christmas food, plus apparently a load of driving him around. I do have a bagful of presents for him and don't want his son to miss out.

WIBU to tell him that I'll drop the presents off tomorrow and stay for a coffee but it sounds like we've both got too much on to do more and that I'm not staying over?

It will doubtless trigger a complaint that I don't prioritise him or the relationship but I don't think he's prioritising me. It all feels very one-sided and I don't feel valued or loved right now. I'd rather spend my time with my girls who do value and love me.

It all feels very one-sided and I don't feel valued or loved right now. I'd rather spend my time with my girls who do value and love me.

There you go. There's your answer. Find someone who values and cares for you, not someone who treats you as a taxi service.

Sounds to me he's not even looking for a girlfriend. He's looking for a carer and general dogsbody.

You're worth more than that.

Why date someone who just wants a GF to do his chores for him?
If he has a bona fide disability, he should be able to access social service help to these things for him. How old is his son? Can he assist him if old enough?
I'm guessing you are going to say he doesn't drive, if so it's really not wise to date a person long distance who can't drive if you can. That's why you've ended up being like his taxi service and probably doing all or most of the travelling to see him. Basically, you've set yourself up to be the sole person giving effort and he's using his disability to give little back in return.
You could have a far more equal relationship with someone who is more eager to maintain their self-reliance and independence regardless of having a disability or not. This guy sounds too keen to be dependent.
I'd make it as short a visit as possible, then end it after Christmas or NY, whichever is best for the DC's. It's too much time and effort for no return.

This morning he casually tells me he's got some wrapping for me to do for him tomorrow (which he can't do due to his disability) and we'll have to 'run around' doing some errands. Doesn't sound a lot like quality time to me. He doesn't ask me can I help, just tells me I am.

Time to nope out of this one.