Should I be grateful for ‘normal’

[Bananaandmarmite]

Dh keeps saying ‘I’ve been lovely to you today…..’.

This is random and often when he wants attention. I’ve told him lots ‘lovely should be normal. That’s standard human decency within a marriage, please don’t make me feel I should be super thankful for it’

maybe this sounds mean?

His idea of ‘lovely’ is that he hasn’t screamed at me or pulled me up on something’

He has history of tantrums and outbursts so this may shed more light on why I feel pretty angered this comment?

I feel he’s hoping to make me feel
grateful for him merely not to shout at me. And I really feel sad about this.

OMG he sounds so annoying. This is very childish of him!

His idea of ‘lovely’ is that he hasn’t screamed at me or pulled me up on something’

So he's a shit normally?

Yes I find this as well it's ether grumpy or lazy. My solution with him is the same as with my 2 year old. Congratulate him on every little achievement.

Surely being lovely to you is a given and not worthy of special comment.

His idea of ‘lovely’ is that he hasn’t screamed at me or pulled me up on something’

And how much longer are you going to put up with this? Up to you.

It's not love. Or even "lovely".

Your choice.

Life is so lovely and calm without this kind of shit. For you and especially children.

It's not being lovely to not scream at you- should be basic standard behaviour

It's so depressing seeing what women put up with. You have choices, OP. You don't have to put up with this.

His idea of ‘lovely’ is what should be ‘normal’. Like those posts on here about ‘lovely’ DHs, which apparently means men who are honest, faithful, and do their fair share of childcare, household chores etc.

Yeah, basically he's saying he ought to get cookies for not being abusive, and the subtext is that his normal is to be abusive so it's a bit of a threat that he could easily revert.

It shouldn't be an effort to be nice to someone you claim to love.

You deserve better than this!

Wtf! You are in an abusive relationship.

How often does he scream at you OP?

Not being abusive isn't lovely, it's the bare minimum. I'm so sorry you are going through this OP. It is NOT, in any way, your fault.

He deems it worthy of attention because generally he is a twat (possibly an abusive twat). That IS his normal.So the one time he makes the effort to keep it all in he thinks it's noteworthy and you should fall at his feet with gratitude.

You need to have a serious think about this relationship.

This comment from @MariaLuna is so true.

“His idea of ‘lovely’ is that he hasn’t screamed at me or pulled me up on something’

And how much longer are you going to put up with this? Up to you.

It's not love. Or even "lovely".

Your choice.

Life is so lovely and calm without this kind of shit. For you and especially children.

And how much longer are you going to put up with this? Up to you.

It's not love. Or even "lovely".

Your choice.

Life is so lovely and calm without this kind of shit. For you and especially children.

without a shouty childish EXH in my life our house is beautifully calm and quiet every day.

Well done for realizing he is trying to condition you and for putting up clear boundaries. Not easy when you are in the middle of it. Think carefully about what you want for your future, what you want to model about relationships and acceptable behaviour to your children and what you want to do about it. Strength to you @Bananaandmarmite

Sounds like he’s saying he wants sex because he’s been a good boy.