Mopping the floor is a form of abuse

[ecoverpoisoning]

I was mopping the floor when my hubby flew into a fit of anger. He said mopping the floor is a form of abuse, he nearly walked out with the kids this evening, saying I was poisoning them with fumes of detergent.
Mopping the floor more than once a week is causing the children serious health issues.

I am using ecover, one tea spoon to half bucket. He said my kids will blame my for any asthma I am giving them.

I am in shock. It sounds ridiculous, I cant believe he can come up with such toss.

Is he right?

Will a divorce lawyer question the sanity of a man who says mopping the floor more than once a week is child abuse, right?

Sounds like the sort of idea that gets the piss taken out of it at length during social worker's tea breaks.

If you're on the brink of splitting up then ANYTHING can be a source of argument/criticism/confrontation. Don't rise to it. Do what you need to do to keep the household ticking over and work out what you want in the future for you and your DCs. If the relationship between you has not completely broken down you could think about making an appointment with Relate.

Does he think you do too much housework and therefore neglect him?

I would actually be a bit worried about his state of mind. he sounds deranged.

had he had a few?

He hasnt had a few, he is teetotal. We are not on the brink of splitting up. But he has had a go at me before about fumes from cleaning products, and I clean too much.
You'd think a man was pleased his wife wanted to keep a clean home.

I am now reading up on detergents and asthma, and it seems he has a point.

He has been having coughing fits lately, and he rang the out of hours surgery this morning, he just told me, the nurse suggested he had asthma. He hung up in shock, and did not make an appointment, he said he would not go and have a doc diagnose him asthmatic.

open lots of windows and the fumes will go

he has issues

seriously.

and his health problems are making it worse

Is this for real?

please no trip trap allegations.

He sounds bonkers, never mind asthmatic.

I guess I should post in Allergies and ask for advice on good detergents without chemicals such as phenols and phosphates, etc.

ep this isn't normal behaviour. is there anythign else going on?

Or you should turf responsibility of tthe housekeeping to him, and see if he fancies scrubbing the floor with bicarbonate of soda and lemon juice!

He sounds like he needs to see a doctor. Has he always had a stick up his arse and considered himself entitled to order you about like this? If it's recent, then there is quite probably something up with him (stress, depression, health) that needs looking into.

Sounds like he's really very upset about having been diagnosed with asthma and this irrational stuff is his way of expressing his upset.

Not very rational or reasonable, but I'd cut him some slack and once he's calmed down (and you've recovered from reeling from his onslaught) try and get him to talk calmly about how he's feeling about this diagnosis.

And agree on how exactly you're going to keep the house clean without modern detergents and if there's more work involved, then is he going to be participating more...

"try and get him to talk calmly about how he's feeling about this diagnosis."

Then get him to a doctor, so you can look rationally at some of the things that could potentially trigger an asthma attack, and whether cleaning products/chlorine are among them (before he tries banning all cleaning products apart from wire wool and lemon juice).

Has it been important to him to have a self-image defined by being strong/healthy/untainted by illness? The potential asthma diagnosis represents a threat to that self-image, and if he's unwilling to accept that the cause of the problem could be within him, he might try and find the nearest plausible external influence that could have caused this problem. Hence the outburst at you. If you accept the idea that you're harming him, then you're probably harming the kids too, hence his stance about the effect of your activities on them. All of this depends on the asthma being caused by cleaning products and not pollen/dust/previously undiagnosed medical condition...

Getting him to see a doctor wheen he's calmed down seems like the best way forward.**All of the above is suggested by someone who knows nothing about you, and is assuming you might like to listen to their idiot suggestions. Accept or reject with salt as appropriate...

kevlarhead, it seems like you have nailed it. A healthy lifestyle is extremely important to him, he works hard at his fitness regime to ensure a long and healthy life, as he believes he can prevent strokes and heart attacks in this manner. He hates transfats, we dont eat in macD, home cook from scratch to avoid additives and processed food.... I think this is possibly knocking all his believes on the head. The very idea that illness may come as something else that he cannot control... So, I guess cleaning products are the only thing he can blame, and so ME for using them....

I remember once 10 years ago, I had hairspray on, and he was next to me in a small car, he had such a coughing fit, and said it was because of the hairspray. Maybe it really was, and it did smell lethal!
He has also complained about handywipes, they have a strong smell.

But if this is so, it may explain our sons chest problems too.

So even more important to get him to a doctor, find his triggers, and eliminate them. I will happily change my cleaning regime if this is the case.

I threw away all spray cleaners yesterday evening, the oven cleaner. Normal Fairly liquid will do. And the Viakal spray, etc.

Thanks for all help and suggestions.

It's possible that he has some kind of obsessive disorder, as well, and this is making the physical reactions worse. While it's understandable that you want to help him feel better, make sure that you consult medical experts before giving in to him on everything, because sometimes whatever you do will not be quite enough and, if there is more of a mental than a physical component to his anger and distress, then he will make more and more demands on you and become more and more unreasonable, which will not do either of you any good.

Do make it quite clear to him, won't you, that although cleaning products may be triggering his asthma, you (and your choice of cleaning products) have not caused it. He has it anyway and he has to accept that.

Hate to say it but I hate it when Dp starts spraying cleaning products etc etc all over. We live in a small house and the fumes really do make me feel wheezy and as far as i know I am not asthamtic. Hate the overpowering smell too. I had bronchitis ten years ago and for about 18 months after I could not (literally couldnt) go into department stores, chemists, etc etc as the perfumes and other stuff in the air would make me cough to the point of retching. The doctors said I did not have asthma but a post infection sydrome (can't remeber what the name was). I would get really unreasonably annoyed when people inflicted their products on me lol!!

More than that though, I hate the way it makes me feel like I am somehow 'soiling' the place just by being in it and it does annoy me how much time he spends cleaning.

Not suggesting any of this is even relevant to your situation, there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to keep a clean house but maybe look at it in context, ie what else might be going on either whilst you are cleaning or generally, which is getting to him. Does he maybe feel 'got at'or misunderstaood in other ways?

Just some thoughts!

There's a great thread on Ethical Living about natural cleaning products - maybe that would keep you both happy!

maybe he has a very sensitive sense of smell.

But he hasn't been DX with asthma, a nurse told him on the phone that he may have it - she wasn't even in the same room as him!