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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Parent issue / mother Christmas issues

7 replies

Lozzie92 · 21/12/2023 20:30

Hello

Sense checking my feeling a tonight as my sister has told me I’m being ungrateful and mean.

I have a tricky relationship with my mother, she shows classic narcissistic traits and I have always felt the need to people please her and I try to never rock the boat.

We’ve exchanged little Christmas gifts today and hers came unwrapped and unpacked in bags, where as mine had nice paper and bows etc. this isn’t important to me, as I understand she doesn’t value that, and I do. That I can put down to a difference in expectation which is think is fair. My point in mentioning that is that I do let lots of things “go” that upset me, but I can see past them as maybe my expectation vs hers.

My present was a small perfume, that has my name on it, but like every Christmas and birthday card I get from her, my name is spelt wrongly on it.

She goes between three spellings of my name.
my birth certificate says one and during my childhood / teenage years my passport
was different, as she said it was another spelling.

My sister says who cares, but it’s so basic to get my name right, mum is fine cognitively and when I have slightly joked about it in the past, she says who cares- it doesn't matter, “you got a card didn’t you.”

Any thoughts on this? 🙌

OP posts:
festivetinseling · 21/12/2023 20:33
Xmas Shock
Mum2jenny · 21/12/2023 20:36

Depends on your name and if there are multiple spellings, but I’d hope your dm would remember the spelling of your name. Is it possible she has dementia or is she just a cow?

Lozzie92 · 21/12/2023 20:39

My name is Loren and that is on my birth certificate but she uses LOUREN and LAUREN mostly, sometimes Loren 🫠

OP posts:
Mum2jenny · 21/12/2023 20:54

Forgetfulness?

Mum2jenny · 21/12/2023 20:56

If someone said their name was yours, I’d go Lauren. This may not be helpful, so sorry…

RandomMess · 21/12/2023 21:03

If your Mum can't be arsed to spell your name correctly I'm not surprised you are upset.

One of my DC changed her name and it is very hurtful to me BUT it matters to her that I use her new name so I do, because I love her.

Geppili · 21/12/2023 21:45

Your mother is the ungrateful mean one!

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