DH is going to relationship counselling, does not want couples counselling..

[3500B]

How would you feel?

He told me he’s engaged with a counsellor around a few issues (work pressure, our relationship). I googled the counsellor and they are predominately a relationship and couples therapist.

I’ve asked him if he would like us both to go and he said no.

He’s getting ready to leave isn’t he ?

How’s your marriage? Is separation on the cards?

Not necessarily.

He might be realising there are issues in the relationship caused by his behaviour that he wants to understand and fix.

I'll be blunt. Are you always this anxious around your relationship? Googling the counsellor would never have occurred to me. My ex and I were having separate counselling for years and neither of us spoke to the other about any of it - who It was with etc. The fact that you have googled, asked to come with and presumed that it means something bad for your relationship all point to an anxious attachment style which could be making things worse.

Does the counsellor only do relationship stuff? You could be jumping the gunner here. He maybe generally unhappy and not with your relationship. Presumably you’ve asked if he wants to talk about his counselling and in a more general way how is it going?

Neither of us are particularly happy in the relationship.

He is away a lot with work, we aren’t intimate anymore, I have a lot of resentment over essentially being left to raise the children when they were small whilst he worked. We don’t have screaming arguments, we don’t argue at all, no financial issues.

Ive asked him in general how it’s going, he is non-commital (sp), just gives a general “yeah fine”. That’s what led to the googling

He wants to discuss his issues with an independent third party, and you snoop on him?

I wouldn't necessarily jump to the conclusion that he is preparing to leave. Attending counselling suggests engagement with a problem and investment in a solution. Why bother doing the hard work if he's going to leave anyway? I can also understand why he may feel more comfortable attending alone.

He's working on himself. This is every woman's dream. There must be more to the story if you're so grim about it though.