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Relationships

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Original poster

Dating Apps - 40s

20 replies

Blankspace4 · 20/12/2023 19:31

I seperated from my long term H earlier this year. No kids. Early 40s, a professional.

I’ve been in a relationship since prior to the apps and so don’t know where to start. I’d just like the option of a bit of chat / few dates but terrified of fuck boys and also not looking for another long term commitment as yet (but not closed to the idea either)

I don’t think tinder is going to be the one for me. Any suggestions from those who have been there?

OP posts:

GloomyWeek44 · 20/12/2023 19:37

Match is a sort of middle ground of dating apps.

GloomyWeek44 · 20/12/2023 19:38

Also Hinge.

DGConsultant · 20/12/2023 19:38

Elite singles, okay Cupid, match.com, desperate dating, PASHIP, I think It's called. All sites not ostensibly apps, but will avoid Tinder for you. Bumble popular but inaccessible, so I like to put It last. A veritable multiplicity, overhere. All sites I promise myself I'll join, then I get sidetracked and don't bother as a single bloke.

samestyle · 20/12/2023 19:44

Bumble or hinge is a good place to start, they aren't as fast moving as tinder, however plenty of people do meet their partners on there! so a slower pace maybe better for you being new, Badoo is quite good but much faster moving. If you don't want fuck boys then definitely don't advertise yourself as looking for casual or match those ones.

Original poster

Blankspace4 · 20/12/2023 19:51

thanks all - helpful!

How do you mean Bumble is inaccessible?

also slightly paranoid about my profile being seen by people I know…much of a chance? Do profiles show up on google hits etc?

OP posts:

RudyKazoo · 20/12/2023 19:51

OK Cupid was where I met DP (I was mid-30s, he was early 40s). That was 5 or so years ago, so not sure what it’s like now. Back then it seemed one of the less popular sites, so attracted guys taking the whole dating thing seriously.

Good luck - and enjoy!

RudyKazoo · 20/12/2023 19:53

When I was on Bumble, one of my (close) colleagues appeared in my feed. It was a bit cringe, but ultimately you’re all there for the same reason.

Blueeyedmale · 20/12/2023 19:53

samestyle · 20/12/2023 19:44

Agree with bumble too so another vote for bumble here too i like the fact it gives the women control so her inbox is not full of thirsties.considering i don't regard myself as not anything special I've had some really nice genuine matches who have been lovely.

So definitely a vote for bumble for me .

XmasPartyhat · 20/12/2023 19:55

One of my work 'customers' matched with me on a app. I haven't dared to go back on since!

Thatswhy11 · 20/12/2023 20:00

Try Hinge and maybe pay for 1 month. Be warned I think a lot of men are already in full blown relationships already! Whilst on Hinge.

Go with your gut and try though.

Original poster

Blankspace4 · 20/12/2023 20:08

God what shits to be in relationships and also on dating websites. This is what I worry about!!!

OP posts:

SeparatedAndFree · 20/12/2023 20:17

I am the same, separated after 19 years and don't even know how online dating works 😝

Thatswhy11 · 20/12/2023 20:19

@Blankspace4 yes I know!! I've had a couple of dates on Hinge and the men were OK 1 wasn't for me but was nice, another that distance was an issue and I think he just wanted casual in the end (sort of) but had a couple of nice dinners out with him. Then the lastest..... well....it's been a shit show!
So it's not all bad but it is tiring at some points. Realistically most men know women will want to settle down so they lie about what they are looking for online initially. I'm 8 years younger than you, I'm a single parent and it's really tough!

Sending you better luck your way though.

DGConsultant · 20/12/2023 20:25

Honestly OP, be warned dating apps/sites can be the pits. A lot of effort, for very little return, sometimes. Start out without paying for one I'd suggest, and see how you get on. Paid for the Guardian 3/4 years ago for 12 months, don't regret It, had some fab conversations and dates, but most of the women pulled the familiar disappearing act once you drop the fact that you're blind. Not an issue for you, obviously, but can still be an incredible investment, both time and money, without much reward.

occhiazzurri · 20/12/2023 21:41

All pretty valid points but I would also add that you need perseverance beyond belief, a huge investment of time and efforts a s a huge amount of luck being at the right place and time. If you are looking for casual dating, you will have plenty of opportunities, otherwise be prepared for a lot of low effort candy shopping and people out of long term relationships or marriages looking for casual sex. Be gentle with your heart and don’t take it seriously! I think it is worth approaching it as an opportunity to meet people and learn about what you are looking for.

Original poster

Blankspace4 · 22/12/2023 01:57

Thanks for the tips…

oh wow this is a whole new world. To download one or two pre or post Xmas….

i really don’t want the dickhead married blokes bored at their in-laws at Xmas 😩

OP posts:

BarbaraColey · 25/12/2023 22:46

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Starryskies1 · 26/12/2023 00:22

I have tried a couple this year. I don’t like match it doesn’t seem to have as many options as some of the others. Bumble is a lot of swiping which I find an effort. Hinge I have had some success with. Dated someone for a while. The app has a pause option too which I like. I’m forties and Hinge has been a favourite so far. But it is an eye opener. Know what you are looking for and will/wont tolerate would be my advice!

SantasFavouriteElf · 26/12/2023 01:33

You can go incognito on Bumble to avoid being seen.

CallmePaul · 26/12/2023 02:04

Female pal similar age & profile to you met her guy on bumble, met & dated a few frogs on route tho, male pal the same route.

Trying on line dating terrifies me a bit if I'm honest, but a quick straw poll of friends & colleagues if they haven't been with someone for absolutely years, it's probably 90% who've met partners via OLD

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