Women's Intuition

[RedVanMan]

Do you think women know when there DH is seeing someone else? And they ignore it or they just don't see it?

Some do and some don't.

Some people are much more deceptive than others.

If I had an affair it would be obvious because I'm not a natural liar.

What do you think the signs are? I don't know if I'm intentionally ignoring my intuition or being paranoid.

Some may be picking up on subtle signs and clues.
Others may be irrationally jealous/insecure and imagining things.

No way to tell really.

Having just gone through this myself, I'd guess that you are ignoring your intuition.

In the beginning, I just had a feeling something wasn't right. I basically knew from the second the affair started, but didn't have the details/evidence for a few months.

What makes you suspicious?

It’s hard to say isn’t it because for every woman that thinks something is wrong and finds something there are who knows how many who don’t suspect anything. There are also those women in the “ I’ve been cheated on in the past” camp who are super suspicious without seemingly much cause.

I didn’t know but looking back the signs were there. I trusted him and loved him and thought he loved me so it didn’t really cross my mind. The signs:
-always on/attached to phone, telling me he was taking to a friend from work who needed some support with a break up.
-started coming to bed very late (to message/talk to her I assume)
-buying new clothes and taking more care in his appearance
-working a bit later/being stuck in traffic (he worked with her)
-Going out more with work

On the whole I'd say always trust your gut. I think as a society we get told to ignore our gut as women it's always we are too irrational, emotional,crazy. It's hardly like 99% of men are outstanding honest with integrity it's slim pickings.

There is a saying Trust but verify. So you dont have to immediately assume the worse but observe actions and words are they matching up? Any adult relationship should also be able to talk in depth about the emotional safety within the relationship and any issues. If someone can't discuss the issues, deflects get angry. Those are your warning signs.

All the women that I know that have felt someone off in the relationship so happened to look through a phone bank statement ect have always found something.

Trust your gut feeling. I did without any evidence whatsoever and came home unexpectedly to find my partner in bed with my best friend. I can’t put my finger on anything that alerted me to what was going on but someone once told me intuition is just stuff you know. So you probably know on some level something is going on as I did.

I caught ex partner twice. Initially based on intuition/ changes in routines etc then confirmed via texts 😅

I guessed very quickly that my ex was having an affair, almost immediately. But it was with someone I knew so I think that aided my intuition.

In hindsight I don't think it was his first affair but I think it wasn't as close to home so less to pick up on.

Women’s Intuition is a myth that can then be used to victim blame women by claiming they must have known.

Any particular reason you think that they might be?

It's a woman that I've caught him talking to twice before.

I know it sounds MAD but I've not seen her for a year and now I'm seeing her everywhere. The last time I saw her they were talking.

do they work together? What's the context behind their relationship?

They have had a sexual relationship before it not that either of them ever admitted it. I found the evidence and chose to forgive but here she is again ...

In that case I’m not sure I would forgive again OP!

Re he might. But it's not intuition-it's clues that you pick up without realising you've seen anything.

chose to forgive

I think this is your answer I'm sorry to say. In my experience, men who have such little regard for their partner / wife will generally do this repeatedly. Some leave clues as they don't have the balls to end it, and would rather be found out and kicked out than have to confront their own deficiencies.

I am embarrassed to be male sometimes.

Following from another post above though, please don't let his deficiencies affect you in the future, or think that this is in any way a failure on your part. Relationships fail, I get that, but there is a way to end them, and a way not to end them. As you can probably tell, men acting this way boils my piss. Ultimately, if you are feeling that you don't trust him, there is probably a reason.

OP I think when someone knows their partner well any unexpected change on their behaviour is a warning.
People change over their lives but sudden changes in small things like taking more care of themselves, new perfume, look changing, different pattern of going in and out, being more private with some information etc are the things that makes us smell fish.

Some people spot them and others are so immense in their own stuff than don't pay attention to them. Signs of affairs are very similar in every cheater they want to look better, younger, more clever, fresher and they want to see their affair partner.

OP, I have read your updates. Don't go to that path. Don't question yourself. Even if they are not together you can break the relationship just because you don't feel happy around him any more and you don't trust him.

Don't question your sanity to make a excuse of carrying on with a relationship that is making you unhappy.