Abusive relationship - what are the red flags?

[LeopardPJS]

If you have a friend or family member who is or has been in an abusive or coercive controlling relationship, what were the specific red flags you noticed early on, from the outside, that made you uneasy?
Could be subtle things, verbal or non verbal, anything really.
Am trying to get some context to work out if what I'm observing in a friend's relationship is normal or a cause for concern, basically!

Bit long but here you go: https://www.mycwa.org.uk/are-they-being-abused

The text hasn't come out too well sorry, but the link is sound.

So possible things to look out for imo, just from considering how abuse affects people.

• They cancel on your meet ups. Sometimes with really short notice.
• They get texts or calls when they are with you and seem glued to their phones. Sometimes they have to rush off home suddenly.
• They may become cagey, squirmy, nervous, timid in their mannerisms. Starting to look like a leaf could tip them over. Never being able to sit at ease. They also may seem tired.
• They tell you things he has done or said in a 'is this normal?' way. Or tell you awful things he's done as if they think they are normal or a 'boys will be boys' behaviour.
• They say 'I have to get back, he'll be worried'.
• They start to apologise for things they don't need to be sorry for.
• They start to explain this shit out of every little 'misbehaviour' (eg: being late) so that you don't 'misunderstand' and think they are a bad person. Because they are used to having to do that to their partner.
• They start to fall out with other friends and family. Or mention him not getting on with them. This is especially true of people thry never had problems with in the past and who always seemed to have their back.
• When he is with them in public, there's always some drama or other. Especially if her friends or family are there too.
• Things they look forwards to seem to always get cancelled at the last minute (eg: girls trips).
• They stop seeming as excited about their hobbies, goals, dreams or accomplishments. They play them down as they are afraid to be accused of being, well, narcissistic. As their partner will abuse them of things like being a know it all or having 'sad' hobbies ect...
• Their shine...dulls. As if they are being leeched of it. Because they are.
• Their relationship moved very quickly. It was a 'whirlwind'. He perhaps even moved in or got her pregnant within a few months.
• She was vulnerable before this relationship. Eg: doesn't like being single. Or has had past bad relationships. Or has recently lost a parent or family member. Or simply, is a single mum (children make us vulnerable to predators as they give us an obvious weakness they can exploit).

Further thoughts-

• risk taking behaviour. As abuse begins to set in, other unsavory behaviour may present itself. Such as turning to addictive behaviours like drinking, to excess. Even things like shoplifting. Cutting and other self abuse. Basically things that make them feel they have control over some of the things in their life. (This one usually happens when quite far into abuse though. Or even, after escaping it).
• they may stop drinking entirely as they are afraid to be accused of 'being embarassing' or having done something whilst drunk.
• They may remove all opposite sex friends from their life. Or from their social media.
• They may start a diet or change their look or just start to seem really uncomfortable about their appearance out of nowhere. Because the abuser is starting to make them feel insecure and 'not enough'.