Suddenly aware of the fact I’m being unkind and I need to stop

[Catchingmyself]

I caught myself today out to nowhere mid sentence and realised I was being a butch for no reason to dh.

Then I’ve thought back over the last few weeks and I’ve been horrible. I don’t know why it started or how all I can say is I’ve been rude, dismissive, unkind, critical ? I don’t know why? I would say in some way some of my behaviours are verging on gaslighting ? An example would be me criticising something and then saying he had disapproved of the same thing in the past when he hasn’t I don’t know why I said it ?

Nothing has changed except the only thing it seems to coincide with was me being really unwell when we were on holiday in august and I’m not saying it’s an excuse but it was just that then looking back now critically I can see it’s when my behaviour changed ? He literally can’t do a thing right and I’m just being unkind.

Do I go to the gp and explain this and ask for a referral to MH services ? Do I speak to dh, apologise and then what ? I don’t actually know what’s wrong with me

*bitch

How old are you?

44

That was my roundabout guess. Welcome to peri-menopause. HRT can help enormously.

Are you under a lot of stress? How is your sleeping and alcohol intake? Are you impatient and unkind to other people?

If you are aware can you not just... stop now? Why do you think you need to see a GP?

When I'm not feeling very happy, I instantly place the blame on my husband, even if it has nothing to do with him.
When I'm feeling happy, I am instantly very loving and affectionate and appreciative of my husband.

What I'm saying is the problem is with you, ask yourself what's missing in your life?
What do you really want and what do you think will make you content?

I think I only became aware today I just suddenly heard myself ? Then suddenly it all hit me how I’ve been acting and it’s horrible. I’ve taken myself off upstairs as feel guilty plus don’t want to say the wrong thing.

Perimenopause has been on my mind as I hadn’t had a period for 3 months then had one in august while we were away and ended up coming home early (luckily a uk break) and went to a and e as the bleeding was heavy for 2 weeks and I was fainting by week 2 and found to be very anaemic . Then didn’t have another period till October (nov and dec regular though) but since august I don’t feel like myself

Are you feeling out of control in another context? Are you maybe trying to control one situation because another is out of your control?

What was your parents' relationship like growing up? What is/was your relationship with them like?

Were you in a bad mood one day that just hasn't shifted? Is it possible that you're not over whatever it was you got on holiday?

Are you grieving for anyone? That can quite often come out as anger and irritation, although that's not really what you're saying.

You should definitely talk to your dh about it.

Oh X post. I think try to get yourself a GP appointment.

I think I would hold off with the GP just for a little while. The really good thing is you've noticed and are now aware of how you are and have been. Maybe just try and change your wording and attitude and see if it improves over say the next few weeks then take it from there. Well done for realising and asking for advice. Good luck.

I think what I’m feeling is exhausted and then I can’t do the things I need to, so he tries but then I criticise . Then I’ve just been critical for no reason plus since august I can’t stand him being near me I just would rather sleep so have been pushing him away and going to the spare room as I don’t want to talk to him let alone anything else. He’s done nothing wrong though so I feel awful, he just keeps doing more to try and help then I snap . I’m just awful

Op, if I were you, I would make an appointment to be seen as quickly as possible at a private peri-menopause/menopause clinic. Their support and expertise is invaluable.

@Catchingmyself - don't worry, the main thing is you've acknowledged the problem and you want to fix it.
Part of the problem as well is that DH has picked up on this, and he's acting differently with you in response, which in turn is making you more irritated with him because he's probably coming across more dull/boring as a result. I know how this feels because I've been there too.

I think you and him need a proper date night, I honestly think it would do you the world of good. Also don't be afraid to tell DH all of this, don't be too proud, just tell him you're exhausted but you really don't want to lose him. A problem shared is a problem halved x

I fleetingly had the thought back in nov worrying perhaps I had chronic fatigue syndrome then just thought probably anaemia and pushed the thought away but that’s how it feels like all my energy has been drained away along with my tolerance for anything. I’m honestly just a miserable snappy grumpy exhausted person all day every day but it had registered till I suddenly heard myself today and I thought ‘that was really unkind wtf are you doing this is almost bullying’

Thank you so much I’m so grateful for the kind advice I half thought I’d get told that yes I am a bitch so I’m really grateful for the support. I’ll look into menopause clinics as I really feel I need some help and asap

Possible B12 deficiency- similar age and after being prescribed b12 injections I feel completely different

OP l agree with @Aquamarine1029 Definitely speak to your GP and ask for a referral to a Menopause clinic, or if the wait for an appointment is too long see a private specialist. The right sort of hrt will make a huge difference to how you feel.

I also agree with @Aquamarine1029 . I've also been a complete bitch to perfectly lovely people for no real reason. Then I felt guilty and apologised where I could. It's like my tolerance levels had vanished and the most innocent of things could/still can really bug the crap out of me.

It also coincided with my periods being 'all over the place' and it finally dawned on me that I was probably in perimenopause.

If I feel a crabby moment coming on now I try to take a deep breath and ask myself if it's really appropriate to bite someone's head off for helping me/offering a suggestion/breathing, etc.

I don't have a DH but if I did I'd probably try to apologise for my last outburst and explain that I think it might be perimenopause. He's probably as bewildered as you about this change in personality he's on the receiving end of and wondering what he's done wrong, so you could both learn about it together - it could also help him navigate it rather than thinking you've changed, and not for the better!

I think knowledge (about how peri/meno affects us) is key.

This thread is shocking. emotionally abusing someone is never acceptable, and contrary to what is being said you can control your behaviour-do you speak to your boss like this ?

Calm down. No one said this behaviour is acceptable. Even the op knows this, hence the thread.