Are men more submissive or is it me?

[LaceySmalls]

For the fourth time since June a man I have started to get to know has told me that he wants me to dominate him. They all want to be sexually dominated but the amount the want to be submissive outside varies. One promised he'd clean my house and do my laundry as our relationship grew. (I ended it).

Are other people getting this too or is it something in me?

Apart from anything else dominating someone sounds like hard work. I don't want that. I want my relationship to be easy.

And now I think about it the weird thing is that if a guy wanted to make me happy, did the things I wanted, worked hard at pleasing me in bed and so on I'd be really happy. I just don't want to give it a title. Why do they have to call it submission and domination? Why can't they just keep it to themselves?

not the same thing but I always attracted sporty, dominant males but within weeks found them weak characters, indecisive, couldnt make a decision to save themselves. Initially I thought them lazy, I know I am quite a forceful but it irked me, I wanted an equal partner, not be the one to organize everything, they were happy to pay for everything but couldnt be arsed to make a decision. My husband of 27 years was a bit like it to begin with but I told him how unattractive feeble men were to me, he changed quickly, I deff didnt want a wimp. I was attracted to men who made me laugh but not at them in the bedroom!

However I have never had a man offer to clean my house, I was definitely going wrong somewhere.

A female friend is really submissive and wants to be dominated but ends up with whiny, useless men.

Cynthia Payne reckoned it was easier to put on high heels and prance about even with chronic back pain than to clean the house herself. I expect it’s just one of those random things like several clients asking the same question one day that you’ve never heard before.

"And now I think about it the weird thing is that if a guy wanted to make me happy, did the things I wanted, worked hard at pleasing me in bed and so on I'd be really happy"

Nah. You would think he was really wet.

Don’t be silly! That’s what men do when they’re in love.

Well tinder is full of blokes who want to beat you up during sex so fill your boots...only seen one who wanted it the other way round.

I think men are much weaker in character than women, on the whole.

She's already binned one off for wanting to do her laundry 😅

I think that you are looking at a certain subset of men, given that you are single and in a position where you have known 4 men well enough to find out their sexual preferences since June.

My DH isn't like this, but then again I've been with him 18 years. None of my friends have mentioned their husbands being this way inclined either.

Because it's a kink, not a desire to make you happy. They get off on the perceived 'humiliation' of being submissive to a woman. What it tells you is that they actually have a very misogynistic and old-fashioned idea of gender roles.

Honestly, while my relationship with my partner of 15+ years is not perfect, I am so glad I am not having to try and find a partner nowadays, when men are so utterly porn-sick.

I had a few messages on OLD from submissive men but it’s not my thing so I politely declined.

One asked if he could lick my boots while I told him how pathetic he was. Another said he would clean my house wearing a pinny and heels.

Each to their own

I think woman have always been more dominant / assertive in the home. All my grandmothers were very much in charge. It’s more noticeable now because Woman are also exercising that assertiveness out of the house so there has definitely been a shift. Most guys are fine but some have issues with this hence the incels. But woman need to adapt too I guess as we are more equal and our roles less clearly defined

Did anyone else get contacted on private mssg by a bloke after commenting on this thread. Jeeeez God bless him for trying but no thanks.

I've found the opposite on OLD, most men I've met have been dominant in terms of making the first move, their behaviour on dates and also in bed. I prefer it that way and think a submissive man would really turn me off tbh.

That’s very off-putting. That’s not what you expect on Mumsnet.

In her recent book on the Sexual Revolution, Louise Perry said that the modern world of BDSM tended to reflect the old stereotype of the man dominating the woman.
I don’t suppose that helps

In my experience, men have always been like this.

They hide it at first behind a fake veneer of confidence but when you get to know them, they're a ball of insecurity and neediness.

Ive always attracted this type, as I'm self-assured and confident. It's depressing and the reason I havent dated since 2019!

No I was a bit 🤔

Every time a zombie thread about FWB/fuck buddies is resurrected, it’s always by a thirsty guy offering his, um, services

Absolutely this. It's a result of too much porn. Spank me, tell me I'm a bad boy, peg me and then I'll do the washing up.

I suspect the domestic chores will wear thin in no time.

The kinks however...

You might as well pay for a cleaner. The sex is probably crap, so not enough incentive.

But more seriously, I've chatted to a lot of men on OLD in the last couple of years, and only a couple have been submissive. More claim to be dominant, but when you chat a bit more, not all are, they just like the idea of being an alpha male. Others are possibly dangerously so. I feel like I've matched a lot who want me to peg them, or set them up in a MMF threesome, but in reality, it's been about 3, which makes it about 4.5% (I kept a spreadsheet) - it is more than the subs for me, fewer than the doms, and then there are all the ones where we never got that far in discussions.

4 may or may not be a lot - it depends how many you've matched in total. I think that we probably focus more on the ones that make you go, "ew, no," than the ones who are just nice but dull. And the awesome ones are just few and far between (they are out there, though.)