Why Am I Often Friend Zoned?

[Midlifecrisisat38]

This seems to be a problem mostly that men face with women, but over the years I've realised a lot of guys who I've liked have done the same to me.

I guess I'm looking for reasons to why they do this as it's often portrayed a lot of men are just looking for sex anyway. I know in many cases this isn't true but I've not had many relationships as it is and only one serious one where I've actually lived with someone and that was very toxic.

I am friendly and chatty, so I wonder if it's something to do with that. Maybe I am too friendly and chatty.

I'm also frightened of getting hurt and maybe take a while to open up to them. I'm fine once I get to know them though.

People say I'm pretty, so I'm at a loss of why this happens.

Any thoughts?
Thanks

What makes you think these men are friend zoning you?

Have you actually let them know you're interested, or are you just being friends with them and expecting them to know psychically that you're after more?

As a pp said, have you actually made it clear to them that you're after romance? There's a difference between being friendly and flirty. Maybe you need to be a bit flirtier. How are you presenting yourself? Maybe you need to be less ambiguous.

I hate the term friend zoned. Being someone's friend is not a crap consolation prize - its different relationship altogether. If you're after a relationship you do need to be clear, however many (most) won't see you that way. The majority of relationships in life are friendships, as romantic involvement needs far more connection and commitment with the person you meet.

Men often do this if the woman involved is slightly larger than themselves. I do not know if this is the case here. It is incredibly shallow. If this is the reason then wait for someone that can see past the outside appearance

Another reason is if they feel the female is looking for long term whereas they are looking for short term

I've had a couple of guys say they were interested in me at first and then changed their mind soon after. They've actually admitted this years later and yet I've never been able to get to the bottom of why they've changed their minds.

Being brutally honest. Most men only friend zone women they don't find attractive.

All the women I know have a huge list of turn offs and icks and deal breakers. Plenty of reasons to friend zone an otherwise attractive man.

Almost all the men I know are as shallow as a dish and will date basically anybody they find attractive/feminine enough. They really dont have much other criteria.

This isn't friendzoning (which is a horrible phrase and needs to be burnt in a trash can). That's somebody being interested, finding out more, and changing their mind. That's perfectly normal, and no they probably won't ever be honest with you about that because it's not nice to give or receive feedback that amounts to "I fancied you until you did this off-putting thing/I found out this thing about you that is a turn off".

If it’s in the sense that they were romantically interested in you then nothing happened it could be the “vibe” you’re giving off subconsciously. And yes, it might be (subconsciously) because you don’t want to get hurt again so give off friendly but nothing else vibes. Basically your guard is still up protecting your heart from emotional harm and guys sense this and interpret it as you not being interested in them. The impatient ones (the ones who are just after one thing) will just cut their losses and move on. The genuinely interested ones will stick around and get to know you better.

My dh says he was always friend zoned until he met me! You have to meet your “other half” and they will see in you what you see in them. I wouldn’t look at it negatively, just think you must be a lovely friendly person and the right partner will snap u up.