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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

He’s done it again

16 replies

Ifonlygreywormhadatodger · 19/12/2023 23:08

I really honestly cannot believe that I was so stupid to fall for it.

Have known, now exdp for 17 years we got together had two dc he cheated and left when they were two to be with the Ow.

They split up a few years later and both he and I were with new partners, he had a baby with his partner and they split two months after he was born as they were just a fling and very toxic together. I also split with my partner in June.

After all the years of crap we had become friends as were before being together and in November last year against my better judgment decided we would give things another go. We took things slowly so as not to upset our dc and the relationship with his Ds.

A few weeks ago he started acting very distant and I knew straight away what was going on, but of course he denied it, well tonight I found out he is expecting another child with his child’s mother.

I really am not sure what to do or say I’m devastated, I knew it was going to happen but I wanted to trust him as things were going so well.
Now I am being treated and told that we wasn’t together and he has done nothing wrong, he’s moved on with them and I am now having to drag myself up and out of bed just to put on a brave face for my dc who have not got a clue about any of this.

OP posts:

DGConsultant · 19/12/2023 23:12

Sympathy, obviously. Once bitten twice shy though. Nasty as fuck to have to deal with that.

RamsaysBitchinNightmares · 19/12/2023 23:16

Sounds like an awful situation and from what you are saying, you've had a year believing it's a relationship of sorts.

He's the ass. You will get through this. You lived a great life without him and you will do it again.

PastorCarrBonarra · 19/12/2023 23:19

You can’t be blamed for wanting to give it another go with your kids’ father, and some time had passed since your breakup so you reckoned that he might have changed and matured.

You were wrong, but we all make mistakes. You gave it your best shot.

Focus now on co-parenting as amicably as possible. He’s scummy and detestable, but try to be cordial in front of the children.

Original poster

Ifonlygreywormhadatodger · 19/12/2023 23:25

My dc are older now, so in reality I don’t really have to have any contact with him, however I don’t think they’re going to be seeing much of him which is sad for them.

I know I’ll get over it, the first time I didn’t know up from down I was that broken, I’m hurt now but will move on.
We also had plans for Christmas, that obviously aren’t going to happen now so it will be just myself and Dc.

OP posts:

Andthereyougo · 20/12/2023 00:15

I’m sorry he’s such a shit person. And sorry to bring up the practicalities but please get a full health check. Look after yourself.

MariaLuna · 20/12/2023 00:20

So sorry you are going through this.

But Christmas with just you and the kids is great. I've been doing it for years.

We have our own family. Nothing to do with him.

MariaLuna · 20/12/2023 00:25

You can’t be blamed for wanting to give it another go with your kids’ father, and some time had passed since your breakup so you reckoned that he might have changed and matured.^

LOL. Men do not mature if there's another fuck on the horizon.

They just spread their seed, it's biological.

Sorry you're going through this OP.

Original poster

Ifonlygreywormhadatodger · 20/12/2023 00:31

I’ve also done it for years, doesn’t mean it gets any easier.

OP posts:

Original poster

Ifonlygreywormhadatodger · 20/12/2023 00:33

I am going to try and get myself checked out tomorrow or at least sometime this week.

It really is shit, I just cannot believe I went there.

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 20/12/2023 00:34

Op, stop being your own worst enemy.

Stop thinking shit men will magically change.

Stop dragging your children through this mess.

Original poster

Ifonlygreywormhadatodger · 20/12/2023 00:40

I’m not dragging my children through anything, he is their father and would have seen them and been in their life, regardless of if I was with him or not.
He has brought them into this situation not me.

They did not know we were together, to them nothing has changed. I also do not have a gang of shit men running through my house and have been in one long term relationship that ended after nearly 8 years.

OP posts:

Kittylala · 20/12/2023 03:07

Aquamarine1029 · 20/12/2023 00:34

Op, stop being your own worst enemy.

Stop thinking shit men will magically change.

Stop dragging your children through this mess.

Yea alright. She can't turn back time can she.

AgentJohnson · 20/12/2023 07:00

Finally you can cut this cancerous opportunist out of your life, once and for all. Lick you wounds be glad he’s no longer your problem.

Epidote · 20/12/2023 07:52

God lord OP, bin that crap man from your life ASAP. You don't need that.

Whattodowithit88 · 20/12/2023 07:57

You’ve been your own worst enemy here. He has years behind of a proven track record of constant cheating, getting people pregnant and leaving, you let your heart rule over your head and now paying the price. This man will never change and will still be doing this in his 50’s.

I’m curious, does he pay and provide for all these children his having?

Original poster

Ifonlygreywormhadatodger · 20/12/2023 08:53

Oh I’m more than aware that he will never change now, as I said I knew deep down what was going to happen but I also saw a huge change in him which kind of swayed me, how wrong I was.

He is gone now and I just have to get on with it.

Yes he does pay Cm for my Dc and as far as I am aware he pays privately to his dc’s mother, but no he cannot afford anymore Dc I am and have always been the higher earner, so give it a few months and the shit show that is going to come raining down about how much he can afford and what he has to pay to others is going to ensue, with my dc getting less towards them than the minimal I get now.

Foolish woman I am

OP posts:

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