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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

End marriage?

7 replies

Amelie1988 · 19/12/2023 18:14

I’ve felt for a while that I’m unhappy in my marriage and that I’m not in love with my husband anymore, although I do love him and I do care about him. He’s a perpetually negative person, he only ever sees the dark side of things, he feels extremely hard done by in every aspect of his life and likes to be a victim. He is miserable but does nothing to change it (our whole 14 years together and prior to that too.) He drinks far too much, I have to do everything for him (order his prescriptions, apply for new jobs for him, all of his life admin basically, these examples really only scratch the surface.) He also doesn’t help out around the house, I have to project manage everything despite also working full time, doing the school runs, doing all the dinner, all the housework. His temper is bad but he’s never violent. Then tonight our daughter who is Audhd is was upset in the bath and he lost his temper, slapped her, pushed her head and called her a c**t. To me this is a line crossed and one you can’t come back from. I’ve just been made redundant, have very little in the bank and nowhere to go and even if I got a job I would really struggle financially. Do I listen to my gut? I feel I’m not strong enough for the emotional upheaval.

OP posts:
StrawberryWater · 19/12/2023 18:18

He assaulted your child. Why haven't you called the police?

FairyBatman · 19/12/2023 18:18

You should listen to your gut yes, and I agree that violence is a line you can’t come back from.

Why are you thinking of leaving though? He assaulted your daughter, if he won’t leave on his own call the police and get them to remove him.

Crushed23 · 19/12/2023 18:21

Is this thread real?

He assaulted your disabled child and you lead with ‘I love him but I’m not in love with him’.

imho99 · 19/12/2023 18:22

Call the police and report and remove him,
then start making a longer term plan once you have a job. Financial struggle or not, you are strong enough to put you and your DD first.

dancingsands · 19/12/2023 18:24

Call the police x

AttilaTheMeerkat · 19/12/2023 18:31

Did you grow up seeing a similar crap relationship example from your parents?. Why are you and he together at all now?

I would assume that his low mood and excessive drinking are linked. Alcohol acts as a depressant. Do you love him or are you far more likely to be confusing love with codependency. Why are you doing seemingly everything for him too, this needs to stop.

Call the police and have him removed for assaulting your child.

I would also seek legal advice re separation and divorce as knowledge here is also power. You are not powerless here. You have a choice re this man, your child does not. Make better choices now for both of you.

LifeExperience · 19/12/2023 18:32

Call the police! That's assault and is a crime. How can you love a man who abused your daughter? LTB!

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