I don't know where to start ,I really don't !! Please don't judge me ,I just need advice , 🙏 I'm at rock bottom X
I was married 37 yes my husband was always chatting to women ,I found texes and some where innuendos,I caught him kissing a women a so called friend !! At at party we had in the millennium xx he also when we went to the pubs with friends !! When kids were small ,put on a porno ,we weren't drunk !! And got back to house ,no milk ! So I popped out with my friends husband to get milk came back 10 mins later ,he was looking flustered !! He later told me he put on a porno ,when I next day confronted the women she just said he's a nasty piece of work !!! Never really new what went on !!! Then he fell in love with someone he worked with wanted to leave me !!! On my 40 th birthday I was ill went to bed we were away in Spain !! He said his cousin's wife try to kiss him !! Anyway that's roughly the background! Me I married him at 17 I was pregnant ,he went on holiday with his parents he was 18 and got with some girl on holiday ,I still married him I was young so was he !! I never Evan looked at another man ,although was asked out alot !! I was loyal faithful and a good wife !!
My kids left home ,youngest 31 xx my dad and mum died !! Then he was diagnosed with myeloma blood cancer ,he's doing ok xx I pushed him in a wheelchair and looked after him xx he was always a cold manni affection what so ever ,never held my hand nothing !!! Then I met a guy on internet both into ferrets he charmed me !! I felt love xx so I left and moved in with him !!! It was crazy and out of character ,I drove 147 miles away ,odd as I was scared to Evan drive to next town !!! But this charming man had been single for ten years and I didn't realise he had rages ,yes he's loyal a bit controlling but faithful ,anyway some of the rages were bad ,like holding a coffee table above my head ,then saying he lived me after that's why he do e it ,then stamping on food I bought from the takeaway ,as not what he wanted xx I left !! Went home but my kids all 4 of them didn't want to know me ,I tried I really did 5 months later I came back but the rages are still bad ,the other night he wanted me gone ,he grabbed my wrists and tried to throw me out the door it was late and I was scared .then he accused me of hanging dirty washing up !! He later apologized as I didn't !! He called me a cunt and selfish etc and lazy ( I do work) one incident I picked a bottle top off floor put it a inch from his takeaway bag !! He went nuts !! Locked the doors got a knife and threatened to harm himself ,then broke down crying ,I can go back to my husband who gave me everything financially ,but last time I went back he said I was a slag and vile ( I guess I am) my best friend has nothing to do with me or my family I can't believe I'm in this position and so scared , please don't judge me I know I done wrong just advice please xxx