Feeling Neglected by Partner

[Newbie94]

Hi everyone. Looking for advice really…

im a 29 yr old pregnant F currently engaged to my partner (31M). We’ve been together just over 2 years.

The first year of the relationship was great, and we quickly got engaged and bought a house. After that, my partner become a bit distant, sullen, moody, critical and was less affectionate. All this bothered me immensely and I was left confused and feeling abandoned. We carried on and I feel pregnant over the summer inbetween dry periods of sex (and he typically would constantly reject my advances).

Now I’m 7 months pregnant and we haven’t been intimate in 9 weeks. I appreciate pregnancy changes things, but these intimacy problems started long before I was pregnant. I’ve tried to gently bring this us a number of times - not just the sex, but the lack of connection, distance, moodiness etc. I feel like I tip toe around him and so does my friends and family at this point.

Im at a loss for what to do. The wedding is set for summer next year and other than the moodiness and rejection, we have a great life. Beautiful home, dog, careers etc. I love him dearly and honestly, I just miss him. I feel my mental health deteriorating but I try to power on.

Does anyone have any advice - is sex once every 2/3 months even a big deal considering everything else we have? If he’s not listening to my concerns, should I take some time apart, stay with family etc until he wants to talk? Should I pretend everything is okay and wait in hope he comes back to me emotionally? Afterall I have a baby to think about now, so maybe it won’t matter when he is here?

The thought of this being my life forever makes me sad.

I would suggest you need to address this head on before the baby comes - once he/she does you’re going to need him to be there for you. Suggest counselling if he won’t open up to you.

First post nails it.

Definitely go to counselling individual and together. How often was sex in the first year? How was intimacy and conversation in the first year? Do you feel he may be depressed? Any medication he is taking now that previously wasn't?

What do you have is nothing you can't achieve on your own or with someone else.
I think he is dragging you and it may be worse in the future if those issues are not solved on time.

I agree with PP you need a calm adult conversation and you will be able to see which place the relationship is heading.

Hopefully will be sorted and everything will be fine soon enough for you and your family.

Thank you all, I appreciate the response. I don’t believe that he is depressed, although he’s had to deal with various stressors this year such as a new job, preparing for the baby and wedding etc. I don’t let these things affect how I treat others, however. I’ve made him take a testosterone test before just in case, but that came back normal.

im going to look into therapy after Christmas. It’s expensive, especially with the baby and wedding to think about but these concerns have been on going for 12 months at least and I just have to give it a go.

not sure if it’s relevant but he’s also glued to his phone 24/7 messaging his friends. Football lads, work colleagues, old work colleagues etc etc. I never feel like I have his full attention, he gives one word answers and the overall effort as just plummeted.

It sounds like he doesn't really want to be in the relationship - sorry.

His attention is elsewhere.
Friends, games, work, and dare I say it - probably some porn as well.

He's not ready for a relationship.

At best he is massively immature and not ready for a relationship let alone marriage or a baby.

At worst I'd be thinking he ticks a lot of boxes for possible porn addiction. Get yourself over to reddit love after porn read their resources if anything is really jumping out for you then I'd say take the marriage off the cards completely if you want to continue the relationship or even just confirm what's really going on for your sanity. You will need a atsac therapist trained in sex addiction/betrayal trauma. Any off the shelf couples counsellor will not be able to help. When there is abuse present you cannot work on your side of the relationship when the other doesn't see any issues with their behaviour or actions. How far are into pregnancy are you? Do you have good support around you?