Dp self absorbed, me feeling unattractive

[Lirah93]

Long story short. Dp gets a TON of female attention, literally a ton. He has a bodybuilder physique, always well taken care of for example, fresh hair cut every 2 weeks, nice earring, well dressed and always smelling of the best. Works hard on his body and face wise is handsome, doesn’t have the best skin but that’s overlooked by most people and as a male I think everything else just takes over in his advantage.

he is very popular, especially online so has a large following. He has tons of females following his social media, has women literally throwing themselves at him all the time online and in person etc.

today whilst being at the gym together, I was off in an different area so didn’t see but dp told me a woman approached him and said ‘I have to tell you you are so beautiful. Your face is so beautiful’ etc. dp was clearly very happy about this bragging to me about it, he even said it’s boost his ego and made him feel good. He is very vain now, constantly checking himself out in the mirror wherever we are, telling me how good looking he is, posting topless selfies all over his social media clearly just to show off and clearly loves the attention.

I think it’s great to be confident in yourself but the level of vanity really gives me the ick. I could never constantly check myself out, tell him everyday how beautiful I am, make him take 20+ photos of me in my underwear etc. that’s the equivalent of what he does.

now this leads me to question if I am even attractive. I’m quite a reserved person, don’t put myself out there at all. I’m petit with a muscular build as I’m an avid gym goer, however I had 2 dc and my body will never be the same. I dress quite simple and usually in leggings and a gym top. Face wise I am not the prettiest but I make some effort to do a light makeup and have my hair down. But I genuinely never get any attention.

now I’m not saying I want attention because I don’t. I love to get on with my day without people noticing or disturbing me. But if dp, as a male, can literally just walk around and have women coming up to him telling him how beautiful he is, yet 1 male hasn’t even tried to hit on me in the past year??? I occasionally see the odd male at the gym looking at me, but no guy ever really checks me out, tries to talk to me or pays me much attention.

i have begun to feel like my dp is way out of my league and he’s probably downgrading being with me. As a female I thought we’d get more attention than males, I feel like I must be pretty ugly for no one to be interested in me. I’m content with myself and don’t need or want any male interested in me , but with the obnoxious level of vanity and attention my dp gets it would be nice for him to see that another male has ‘checked me out’ or that I’m not on a lower level appearance wise than him.

I do struggle with my insecurities and I don’t want to feel like I’m ‘punching’ with my dp

This entire post focuses on appearance. Do you actually have anything in common other than you both like how he looks.

Deja vu

Downgrading for you? Even though he gives you the ick? He sounds very unattractive. When I'm OLD I swipe left on anyone with gym pics. It's shallow, usually they have big muscles but aren't actually strong. It's useless to me. I'd rather have compassion, laughter, actual skills, no interest in social media etc. Not someone obsessed with their looks. I bet you could do better.

I agree with @hurlyburlygirly

OP, are you in love with your partner?
Do you think he is in love with you?
Do you have fun together?
What do you talk about?

He sounds insufferable. Quite a few women (that's what we are, not 'females' 🙄) find gym-obsessed men very unattractive.

Am wondering if this is a reverse. The use of 'males' and 'females' instead of men and women is giving me pause ...

Can you tell me more about his nice earring?

I thought women were not attracted to the bodybuilder physique.

He doesn't sound handsome

Bodybuilder with bad skin... tell him to take it easy on all the whey and steroids.

😂😂😂😂😂

@tuvamoodyson LOL 😂

I've definitely come across women who will throw themselves at particular men (good looking and confident). My BiL is like this, although late middle age. On the rare occasions the three of us have gone out to a social event that involved e.g. dancing or mingling, he's been really obviously approached by multiple women. My sister who is equally attractive hasn't experienced any male attention at all.

If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes I'd have been a bit sceptical.

I don't think it means you're not as attractive as him.

What worries me a bit more about your post is that he isn't making you feel desired. Is that the case? It's a bit of a turn off if someone is constantly bigging themselves up tbh. It's good to be confident but self-praise can wear thin pretty quickly. Especially if it's combined with not showing how attractive he finds you.

Could you talk to him about how much this is bothering you (not criticising him as much as showing how it is hurtful to you).

🙃

This whole thing is so weird. I have a lot of women friends and I am a woman and I can assure you that absolutely none of us would find your DP attractive. In my experience very few women goes for a body builder type of guy with bad skin. It screams steroids and that screams inflated ego and abuse unfortunately. Maybe he stands out at the gym but surely he's not all that out in the world in general.

Yes, definitely seen this before

I’ve also seen this before, but to be fair, the nice earring is new.

Ok I understand how this has all come across, and the ‘nice earring’ was a silly comment. I was just trying to portray exactly how he looks a the effort in the details he makes so you can get a visual.

appearance to me is not a big deal, I care about personality and if someone Is a nice person. But it’s something that I just questioned recently thinking maybe I’m ‘punching’ being with him and feeling less worthy ‘physically’ not mentally.

it sounds ridiculous and untrue but I am 100% serious. I also thought women would be put off and I’m absolutely shocked the amount of women I see just throwing themselves at him. I’m talking young women to middle aged married women! It’s absolutely real and does happen which is gross.

the skin remark was a bit unfair of me, he is 100% natural no steroids and works out extremely hard. I just mean, he has uneven skin tone and large pores/uneven texture on his face but regardless it’s easily overlooked an he still comes across as attractive. Whereas I struggle with my skin and acne and can’t really be overlooked on my face.

anyway, I’m just wondering if anyone else has felt their dp is way more attractive physically than them? I mean for him to get that much attention on a daily basis and I barely never even get checked out (again not that I want to) but I’m really questioning if I am ugly

We can’t say if youre ugly. I personally don’t believe anyone is ugly, possibly unattractive, but not ugly, which means physically repulsive. But I know a lot do and consider themselves or others it.

i am also not quite sure I believe he has women chucking themselves at him as much as you say, and i also think you’ve posted this before.

what is it you want people to say? You’re not ugly? I’m sure you’re not.

I think this is about his behaviour not his looks though? My partner is better looking than me but he doesn’t go around looking for female attention and rubbing it in my face. I’m not awful looking but he does sometimes have people stopping him to say he’s got beautiful eyes or should model etc which I don’t ever get.. But your bodybuilder sounds at best completely shallow and at worst like he’s playing game with you.

Constantly looking for outside attention and validation is a pretty significant character flaw. Yes it would big time give me the ick if I was with someone like that. It is a massive sign of insecurity and pretty red flag territory.

Does he have anything between his ears? He sounds very shallow and you’re in danger of being sucked into his nonsense.

Definitely seen this post before.

Bit silly to post the same thing again.

Op if your relationship is built purely on who is the best looking and gets the most attention. Then it's not a relationship!