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Original poster

Whoops

22 replies

Haruka · 18/12/2023 20:06

I think I just arranged a date with a work colleague 12 years my junior...

He's very sweet, but someone else referred to me as his work mum today 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Haruka · 19/12/2023 19:24

I can't tell whether he's into me. Any advice?

There is such a big part of me that thinks I can't compete with 20-something-year-olds, no matter what.

OP posts:
ZekeZeke · 19/12/2023 19:26

Haruka · 19/12/2023 19:24

I can't tell whether he's into me. Any advice?

There is such a big part of me that thinks I can't compete with 20-something-year-olds, no matter what.

And you would be right!
Haven't you heard the term don't shit on your own doorstep?
Plenty of men out there, avoid work colleagues.

ComtesseDeSpair · 19/12/2023 19:32

I wouldn’t go there. You risk a really awkward working relationship if it doesn’t go well, and colleagues whispering behind your back about being a bit of a washed-up creep who targets young men - even if neither of you see it that way.

He might well be “into you” - he agreed to go on a date, he’s probably up for sex - but the price of age and experience is having the wisdom to know when it’s just a much better idea to keep things professional.

Watchkeys · 19/12/2023 19:34

What's your question? We don't know if he's into you. Whether you can compete with someone is subjective, so we might think you can, but he might think you can't. Or vice versa.

JenJenJenJenJenJen · 19/12/2023 19:34

What’s possessed you to do that?

HappyMavis · 19/12/2023 19:38

"Congratulations". Hope that helps. Can't answer the question you tacked on as I'm not him.

Throthetowelin · 19/12/2023 19:40

You think you arranged a date? Well either you did or you didn't?

Original poster
Haruka · 19/12/2023 19:53

We never discussed whether it was a date. It's just the two of us, out for drinks, on a non-work-night.

I'm not staying in the job, if that makes a difference to shitting where you eat.

It's more the age gap that bothers me because I can't think what a mid-20s man would want with a late-30s woman.

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 19/12/2023 19:58

Haruka · 19/12/2023 19:53

We never discussed whether it was a date. It's just the two of us, out for drinks, on a non-work-night.

I'm not staying in the job, if that makes a difference to shitting where you eat.

It's more the age gap that bothers me because I can't think what a mid-20s man would want with a late-30s woman.

As a late thirties woman I can’t think what I’d want with a mid twenties man! What do you want from him? Are you hoping this is going to turn into a relationship, or just happy if it ends up being casual sex with a cute young thing? If the latter, and you’re leaving your job, go for it.

ComtesseDeSpair · 19/12/2023 20:02

I’ll bet with 99% certainty he thinks he’s going on a date and might get a fun night and some sex out of it. Men and women can absolutely be “just friends” and I have many excellent male friends, and many male colleagues I’m friendly with - but men in their mid twenties don’t arrange to go for drinks alone with their much older female colleague because they think it’s a friendship opportunity.

Original poster
Haruka · 19/12/2023 20:03

ComtesseDeSpair · 19/12/2023 19:58

As a late thirties woman I can’t think what I’d want with a mid twenties man! What do you want from him? Are you hoping this is going to turn into a relationship, or just happy if it ends up being casual sex with a cute young thing? If the latter, and you’re leaving your job, go for it.

Edited
Show quote history

I can't ever imagine this turning into anything too serious; our lives are at completely different stages.

But he's the nicest person I have met in a very long time, we're both single, get on like a house on fire and he clearly doesn't care that there are already rumours about us at work anyway (there is no basis for that; we just happen to work on a project together). We're both autistic, which just adds to the sense of understanding.

OP posts:
Throthetowelin · 19/12/2023 20:06

Haruka · 19/12/2023 19:53

We never discussed whether it was a date. It's just the two of us, out for drinks, on a non-work-night.

I'm not staying in the job, if that makes a difference to shitting where you eat.

It's more the age gap that bothers me because I can't think what a mid-20s man would want with a late-30s woman.

Sex.

tomatoontoast · 19/12/2023 20:11

Someone in work has likely told him you'll put out as obviously they think you'll sleep with someone in your workplace, leaving or not.

Just be careful OP.

Tlolljs · 19/12/2023 20:18

Go for it. Fill your boots. I’m 60 wish I’d been more adventurous when I had the chance.

Watchkeys · 19/12/2023 22:31

We're both autistic, which just adds to the sense of understanding

Is that the sense of understanding that's led you to post on a forum to find out how he feels? If you understand each other so well, you'd either know how he felt, or be able to ask him.

Original poster
Haruka · 20/12/2023 04:11

Perhaps the words used should have been sense of bonding?

It is because I'm autistic that I'm seeking guidance, funnily enough. Of course I could just ask him, but I'm also old enough to be wary of making an arse out of myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
Haruka · 20/12/2023 18:11

There is an unwritten rule we don't talk about things in the workplace. So I have to rely on messages outside of work.

I really cannot read thim. More than most people, which, in itself, is a feat (because the autism makes it difficult to interpret situations in the first place).

So him not dispersing rumours is a good thing, I think?

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Tittiesthattouchmytors · 20/12/2023 18:23

Enjoy. 62 yo here. This world is long lost to me now. Wish I too had led a far more ‘ interesting ‘ life.

People always say that there are loads of men out there, but that’s not what I found. Despite looking relatively ‘attractive’ I spent many years looking.

Crushed23 · 20/12/2023 19:10

I have a crush on a young hot thing at work too, but I don’t have the balls to ask him out. Sigh.

Enjoy, OP, and keep us posted so I can live vicariously through you.

PurpleOrchid42 · 21/12/2023 13:55

There's nothing wrong with the age gap, if you fancy either other, then go for it.

AbsolutelyFemale · 21/12/2023 14:37

Totally go for some fabulous sex with a hot young thing, have fun. Am very jealous.

Original poster
Haruka · 21/12/2023 19:07

Oh my god I feel like a teenage girl when I'm sitting next to him.

I'm sitting here analysing. Thank god I have a good book to read.

The meetup isn't for two weeks yet, what with Christmas in between, but I can't wait. Will keep you updated.

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