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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I love being a mum and a single one now, but…

28 replies

OpheliaM · 18/12/2023 16:37

Husband left family last Christmas - having an affair - loved the OW and hated me to summarise. Nearly destroyed me in the process blaming his affair on my shortcomings so much so I literally couldn’t see what he was doing. Through therapy I have realised this was abuse and I’m moving forward without him. We have two beautiful children, five and two and this is where the issue lies. Since the separation, he only wants to see them in the daytime although will frequently keep them out until after 7pm but then leave them home tired and over stimulated for bedtime. Overnights have been tried but three times now he has brought them home at 10pm in their pyjamas saying they wouldn’t settle! I am absolutely happy to have my children in their own beds: that is not the issue. The issue being is that is just sees himself as someone who takes them out for while and I do the parenting.
I feel so sad for us all as I just didn’t see this being my children’s life. Husband frequently asks to keep them later and later but won’t do overnights, early mornings. It’s just irks me that some people think it acceptable to just throw in the towel when it comes their responsibilities.

OP posts:
thatwassociopathic · 19/12/2023 19:29

The best support you'll get is from women's aid, they're awesome with this type of coercive control and manipulation tactics. Call them and they'll advise

OpheliaM · 19/12/2023 21:26

Thanks previous poster and I’m so sorry about your daughter and your experience. Sending genuine love and care your way.

OP posts:
Thewondererhasreturned · 19/12/2023 23:15

I really sympathize with you OP. He has shown you and his kids how useless he is and still wants his own life. I'm sorry I can't be of help, I was in your situation and now raise my dc full time on my own and he sees his "father" maybe once every 2/3 months. Can't he see he doesn't spend enough time with them so they naturally feel more in routine with you, some men can't be reasoned with and your ex sounds like mine its never there fault always yours. In relation to the child maintenance still go through csa. I had this issue as ex was self employed and saying had no earnings however you can dispute this and they can ask you to submit evidence this could be things like screenshots of him telling you what shifts he working, screenshots or pics of him on holidays or making purchases such as a new car and I won my case with things like this and now get over a hundred a month instead of the original measles 7£ basic rate. Even things like mortgages etc.

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