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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Have I messed this up?!

6 replies

Strugglingwithdating · 18/12/2023 14:28

Can’t tell if I have ruined this for myself, I’ll try to keep this as brief as possible…

Met a guy through bumble, we were chatting for a week prior to our first date on a Saturday night. The chat was great, plenty to talk about, lots in common, a lot of texting back and forth all day. He said he was looking for a relationship and to settle down (as am I).

Date was amazing, I definitely felt a connection! We did drink a lot, and I ended up back at his, that wasn’t planned, and I do feel ashamed of it… we said we would go out bowling as a second date the following Tuesday.

Got home on the Sunday, the chat was ok that afternoon/evening but I sensed something could be off.

Monday didn’t hear from him til 7pm (we would usually be messaging from about 8 in the morning), he said he’d had a busy day. I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

On the Tuesday morning I messaged about 8ish to ask what time he wanted to meet at the bowling. I didn’t hear back til 4pm to say he couldn’t make it now as he doesn’t know when he will finish work.

I said, ah ok let’s leave it for tonight. He said his work is going to be mad busy right up till Christmas. So I said ok, let’s catch up in the new year or something. He replied ‘we don’t have to wait that long’ with a laughing emoji. I didn’t reply back. I’ve not heard since.

I know it was me who didn’t reply again, but he was basically saying he has no time for weeks. Have I got this wrong? I’m finding the dating a real struggle to navigate at the moment, and I don’t trust my own judgment at times. I have deleted his number and the WhatsApp chat, so not able to message him again.

Thank you for reading

OP posts:
Fannyfiggs · 18/12/2023 14:32

You haven't messed it up or have anything to feel ashamed of. He's just not for you.

Head up, dust yourself down and keep yourself busy. Ignore if he messages again.

It's not you, it's him ❤️

Daisypot · 18/12/2023 14:37

Glad you didn’t respond to his message and 100% the right thing to delete number and chat.
Your lack of response will mess with his ego and make him reach out to you at some point so be aware of that and don’t fall for it as it’s all about him feeling good about himself will want to know that “you still want him”
You haven’t messed it up, he should’ve been really apologetic for letting you down last minute on the Tuesday and come up with some other dates there and then.
Forget he exists and when he comes crawling back you will feel more in control of the situation

samestyle · 18/12/2023 14:59

You haven't done anything to mess it up, he won't commit to another date, if he was that interested he'd make sure he could fit you in, he wouldn't want you to lose interest and find another date, he let you down and had the chance to rearrange another time but hasn't, I wouldn't give another chance, he's likely to be flaky whenever suits him.

BethDuttonsTwin · 18/12/2023 15:04

Disengage completely. Don’t message again and if he does then don’t reply until he messages again. You’ll probably keep his interest for a bit longer that way. But tbh if he’s like this now then this isn’t going to be anything long term. You haven’t messed it up. If he really liked you, this would have made no difference whatsoever. I’ve gone home with men on the first night once or twice and it’s always ended up being a relationship. I know things are different now though. I’d hate to be trying to find someone now. It seems such hard work.

SpringleDingle · 18/12/2023 15:06

He's just not that into you. You did nothing wrong. Block, delete, move on!

Strugglingwithdating · 18/12/2023 17:47

Thank you all for the reassuring replies 🙏🏼 they have been a big help x

OP posts:
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