Marriage second time around

[AngelaBB]

My partner and I have been together for 25 years after a long, very unhappy marriage, my partner has never been wed. Recently he has started talking about getting married but I'm not sure, am I too old? We are both in our early sixties. I admit I'm scared of the hurt that goes with a marital breakdown but am I being unfair to him. He is hurt by my lack of enthusiasm.

The financial impact would worry me. Do you have substantial assets?

No, just the house, which is mine, in my name. I'd never even thought about money, it's me and my unwillingness.

Your own house, in your own name=nope, do not get married.
Here’s the differences between being legally single, vs. married, you can assess whether these benefits are worth the risk to you potentially losing your house if you did marry, then divorce.
After 25yrs why is your boyfriend ‘hurt’ by you not being interested in changing the relationship status? It needs to be decided solely on if it benefits you financially and legally, forget any romantic fluff.
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences/

Are you happy with him generally? Does he say why it's become important to him now after so may years?

Do you have children from your previous marriage? If so, marrying would have implications for inheritance.

Why now after all this time is it so important to him?

What would he be bringing financially or in terms of assets to a marriage?

If its the thought of your home being at risk if you did get married and it didn't work out, why not consider an agreement beforehand, like a pre-nup to say your assets are yours, his are his? I left an unhappy marriage with nothing, so would absolutely be considering this if I get married again.

Absolutely no point in marrying unless

1. you want to inherit entirely from each other without inheritance tax e.g. there are no kids involved on either side
2. you want to ensure you can act as next of kin for each other in older age, when ill and potential dementia- BUT this can be got around by a LPOA which you should have anyway even if married
3. You have pensions that could provide a widow benefit if you pass away to other spouse - they can be beneficiaries but doesn’t mean pension companies HAVE to do it

if statistics are correct women live less long when marrying, men live longer. The reason is that almost without exception care is taken far more as a duty by wives/female partners…men benefit from wives being watchmen on their health and emotional and physical carers. Women don’t get same benefit - some men are shit at carer roles and majority of men don’t tend to be same watchmen of their spouses health or emotional well-being. Yep, there are lovely exceptions, but majority of men just don’t vest that same amount of emotional care. That won’t get easier as you age. You will get all the sickness, worse and little of the better, health . Never mind the richer bit.

if it goes belly up, you will loose 50% potentially of what you’ve worked for all your life.

think carefully. I was married for30 years, divorced at nearly 60. I certainly won’t be taking on a husband in old age - what are the benefits ? I really can’t think of any ! Ask him what he sees as benefits vs continuing to live togther and see what comes out.

I wouldn't marry him after 25 being together.