Serial cheating husband

[Brontelass]

Hi,
New to this but need some words of support. 28 years married, love the man, but I have finally told him to go after years of infidelity. I know it’s right but I am wavering. Kids are young adults and fine, I will struggle financially but have gone full time and will work extra shifts to survive. I am terrified. He’s pulling the mental health card and making me feel sorry for him as he feels he is losing everything. If I dont do this I will lose myself completely. The trauma I have suffered from betrayal is overwhelming. Our relationship in every other way has been amazing, he just can’t stop looking out for other women. Please someone tell me they have done this and been OK.

Time to get angry op. Being angry will leave no room for feeling sorry for

Please don't feel sorry for him, he's sorry enough for himself. It's his own fault. This has happened because of HIS behaviour not yours.
Don't let yourself be emotionally blackmailed by him. You are not responsible for his situation. That responsibility lies with him and him alone.
Look after yourself. You deserve so much better xxx

He is pathetic. Anyone who is prepared to cheat and lie and sneak about rather than having integrity and honest conversations are pathetic. He isn’t cool. He isn’t a catch. He’s low status and relies on ego kibbles from women to fill the black hole inside him.

You are a prize. He really isn’t. Work on loving yourself, it’s very important to keep your self esteem high. You cannot stop someone cheating and your actions cannot make them cheat. Look after YOU.

Hi OP. I’m really sorry you have been through this. It was very courageous to make this post. I think ultimately you know that what you have done is right - the wavering is normal and will pass in time. You have totally made the right decision and without trying to sound patronising it is a huge achievement/milestone that you have come to that outcome. You deserve so much more than this and you will come to the point where you don’t need us all on this forum to confirm that - you will truly believe it yourself. As you said you have already suffered enough trauma from the betrayal so you need to put your needs first and allow yourself the healing. I’m sorry but I do disagree when you say ‘he is nice to me’ - for someone to spend years being unfaithful is truly disrespectful and not ‘nice’ - his years of infidelity have skewed your views into how you think a ‘nice’ husband should be. He may be polite and he may be a ‘nice’ Dad but he has not been a good husband to you, and to try and now manipulate the situation further to say it is his mental health is truly quite staggering. I wish for peace and healing over you OP.

Do you want another 40 years of this life? He isn't going to change and it is you who pays the price, takes the hit each time he does this. Why does he do it? Because he is a selfish low life entitled man and deep down, who puts himself first and cares very little for you except what you provide for him, a cover for his dodgy behaviour. Yet however complicit you have been in his abuse of you, you know deep down you deserve better and so much more.

Ignore his pity party and manipulative victim playing.

Choose you, choose life! Walk away and start a new one, that you have control over.

The best revenge is a life well lived. Be strong OP. x

Oh @Brontelass I’m so sorry. Right now it seems like he still has the wool pulled over your eyes. He is not a good/kind man and he is not a good Dad. He may have been when he was at home………. but the second he was out of the house he was a selfish pig who put his own sexual gratification, excitement and ego above the needs and happiness of his wife and children. Don’t buckle and don’t take him back - you will only give him the message that his previous behaviour was acceptable and forgivable…. and he will then think it is ok to do it again and again and you will forgive and forgive.
“He’s pulling the mental health card and making me feel sorry for him as he feels he is losing everything.” He is losing everything solely as a consequence of his own doing. He wants to paint himself as the victim in your eyes and maybe even trying to kid himself! Every time he tries the woe is me act, you need to clearly remind him “All of this is a consequence of your actions and decisions”. Do not let him place any blame on you.

Hop on over to chumplady.com. The archived blog posts and comments contain tons of positive stories about life after leaving a cheater, plus there is support available if you post on the daily blog entry and links to more private support groups.

Here's a great story to get you started;
www.chumplady.com/how-i-saved-myself/

Sorry you are going through this. He is pathetic not you. Pulling out mental health card? He’s just thinking of himself as he doesnt want to lose comfortable lifestyle with you. Good dads dont cheat. Kind? He’s not kind to you is he? He is betraying your trust. You have to see him for what he is. Cheating is such a horrible thing to do