Struggling with only child!!!

[Thefirstime]

Wants and needs constant attention, play, interaction with me and partner at home it gets exhausting.. we set boundaries but then he sulks and says he feels lonely, as no one to play with..

he goes school but isn’t the most socially confident so only has a few friends..

Someone mentioned we get a dog as he needs a new focus..

he also doesn’t play too well with kids - lets them take toys out of hand, never goes into conflict.. very frustrating to see how he’s aged 5!

any advice?? Thanks

yes, this is important- just an hour of genuine connection, whether that’s snuggling in bed and chatting or baking a cake or playing a game where there are no phones or visible disinterest can pay absolutely dividends.

if interaction is punctuated by a parent scrolling or multitasking- then the child may not be satisfied even though to your mind you have ‘played’ with them.

i definitely notice that my DC are more independent in their play that day when we’ve made breakfast together, had a lovely chat and watched some tv snuggled up in the morning when my phone is on charge upstairs and I have mentally left any work until nap time (I work very flexible, ad hoc hours). When I’m distracted it’s ’mama mama
mama look!!!’ so much more, and I get why.

I read your post and thought poor little thing. what did you think having a child would be like? they arent an ornament. he is probably picking up on the fact that you seem not to particularly like him and this is making him anxious and everything worse. and the idea of another child? please just dont. you cant cope with the one you have.

He's 5. Of course he's bored.

Get him involved in preparing your meals. Show him how to lay the table, how to make a salad. Involve him in your conversations.

Does he like colouring or drawing? Lego? Old fashioned potato printing. It's pretty easy to help with those while having an adult conversation.

Organise more play dates. Sign him up for a club or two. My ds started karate at 5. Swimming lessons. Piano lessons? All are good in winter when evenings are dark, and they tire them out so they go to sleep easier.

But you need to spend time with him. Find something that you both like doing. Mine liked cycling in the lighter evenings and playing basic card games. I started him on chess when he was 6.

Enjoy your ds while he is little. They grow up so fast. Leave the adult stuff for when he is in bed.

Don't get a dog. A 5yo cannot take a dog for a walk in the dark. You'll end up with a bored child AND a bored dog, which is a bad mix.

Don't have another child either. They would be too far apart to play together.

We have an only child a similar age, and he is nothing like what you are describing - so I'm not sure if this is even an only child issue. A friend has 3 children and her eldest sounds the same as your son - he doesn't play well with others and complains about the parents not playing with him even though he has two brothers. In your position I would try to get to the bottom of why your son doesn't have any friends, as by age 5 he should have developed his social skills to at least have one or two buddies.

To mitigate our son not having siblings, we have made sure he does lots of activities with other children - he does rugby, karate and drama club, and we make sure we have a busy house with lots of visitors. We have always taught him that it is fine to sometimes be bored and he is able to amuse himself by playing lego, writing comic books or reading. It also helps that around a third of his class are only children, so it's not a big deal for him.

I have a 5 year old and a dog is not the answer, my little dog does not like her at all.

Thank you all, many of
those things we actually do which is promising but he isn’t part of any clubs so that’s something we can certainly add, also he says chores are boring (he’s right!) and wants to play (Lego, blocks) so we follow his lead but I also think boundaries are needed as it can be tiring for us.. I’m not a fan of screens at all..