Will he ever commit to me?

[LVS2627]

I have just recently started seeing a guy who I've been friends with since I was 17. We are now both 32. I came out of a serious relationship around three months ago. I'd been with my ex for 8 years and we share a daughter together.
The guy I'm seeing came out of a really toxic relationship a year ago.
We talk everyday pretty much, we've told each other we like each other, we're intimate with each other, we're comfortable round each other. Whenever he's with me we do nothing but laugh. We flirt, we are very touchy feely with one another, he's always complimenting me, and more recently he's just booked us trip away for a weekend in January.

The issue is he's told me he doesn't want anything serious yet. He's said he doesn't know how he's going to feel in the future or when he'll want a relationship but right now he doesn't. He always goes on about how he can't be bothered with the drama of one and I'm not sure if this is because of his toxic last relationship.

I feel frustrated because I know we'd be good together. We've been friends forever and we've always had a soft spot for each other. I always thought if anything happened between us it would be so easy. I cant deny the chemistry between us. The way he looks at me, the way he smiles when he's around me. I know there's something there. I'm not sure what to do because the more I see him the more attached I'm getting. I really don't want to throw this away because I think there's potential.
I've made it clear because I've just come out of a relationship I wouldn't be ready to jump straight back into one but eventually he's who I want.
I just don't want to waste my time with him..im not sure if he's just scared..
It's really frustrating and it's getting me down.

I think you should just carry on as you are. If you push for commitment you will probably lose him.

You'll be wasting your time, he likes you for something casual but not enough, whenever they say they aren't looking for something serious, they mean it, at least he's upfront but he won't be your next LTR

Goodness.. its been 3 months out of an 8 year relationship that involved DC! Slow down...

OP - you are barely out of a long relationship. You are moving way too fast.

You have been in a relationship for 8 years - and it took you no time to not get over the break up - but also decide this guy is The One?
In his place I'd be very careful with you and won't trust whatever you are saying. If a man was doing the same - we'd be calling it love bombing.

Stop overthinking and let things develop at natural speed. If it's meant to work out - it would.

It will work out if it's meant to- you sound very intense - it's early days still so try and chill out a bit and let things develop in time. You can't expect some sort of 'commitment' in 3 months- just enjoy your time together and see what happens.

Pin him down by what he means as serious vs what you have. If he's being very affectionate and planning weekends away, that is BF type behaviour. But if he's saying he wants casual, as in its OK to date and be intimate with others, you have a right to know the score.
If he agrees and wants monogamy, then stop analysing and carry on as you are. You should take your time, he should not yet be involved in your DC's life and there is no rush to involve friends and family if that is what he means by 'not serious'. Jumping in too soon by involving loved ones just makes things harder if it comes to an end down the line.

You needed longer to heal for your break Up.

He is being completely honest just roll with it and who knows.

So, I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. When we first got together we talked about marriage and starting a family. I just had a baby 3 months ago and I’ve always wanted to do marriage first but this was unexpectedly. Then it was my suggestion to go look at rings and get our fingers sized so we had an idea of what we both liked and this was when I found out I was pregnant. At the time he told me he wasn’t ready for marriage and yet I wasn’t ready to be a mother but here I am. He still hasn’t proposed to me and Im not exactly to sure what to think.

@Jsw2111 im sorry but he’s not going to commit
you’ve had his child there is absolutely no motivation from him to make you his wife

I feel frustrated because I know we'd be good together

Not if he doesn't want a relationship, you wouldn't. And he's told you, he doesn't know if he will. Why do you think we would know better about his feelings than he does?

Wouldn’t that give him more motivation now?

You have fallen hard and it sounds like he hasn't. You have a child to put first emotionally, not have love goggles for a bloke and have just come out of a long relationship so pull back a bit and go slow. It sounds like that is what he wants and something very casual - he won't even regard it as a relationship from what you have said. Perhaps you have idealised this guy over the years and are in limerence but it sounds like you should perpare for heartbreak, especially as he doesnt want the "drama" of a relationship, so he is letting you know you can't complain or make asks of him.

Perhaps you should be honest with him and tell him you really, really like him and want a relationship but if it is too soon for him then let him go. Are you sure it is not just limerence?

“OP - you are barely out of a long relationship. You are moving way too fast.
You have been in a relationship for 8 years - and it took you no time to not get over the break up - but also decide this guy is The One?
In his place I'd be very careful with you and won't trust whatever you are saying. If a man was doing the same - we'd be calling it love bombing.

Stop overthinking and let things develop at natural speed. If it's meant to work out - it would.”

This with bells on. We can’t possibly know if he will commit to you long term and indeed he can’t really know. Being friends is different from being romantically involved. But in any case why are you in such a rush to commit!?!? Let it unfold naturally.

@Jsw2111 - you need to start your own thread and people will respond to you there.

Exactly this

Take your time!

Sorry but I disagree with many of the replies.

When men tell you they don't want relationships, for fucks sake - Listen to them. And when they say they don't want a relationship right now, sorry but that means 'I don't want a relationship with you, ever'. 99.9% of the time.

No matter what ifs and buts they tag on after that.

That asside, what do YOU want?
Why are you going on a trip with a guy you want a relationship with when he had told you he.does.not.want.a.relationship. Why are you settling for being a bit of fun if thats not what you want?

You are, presumably also having sex? Well, it's all on his terms isn't it! Why would he bother with a relationship if he gets everything he needs from you whilst remaining footloose and fancy free!

I'm sorry but, he's really just not that into you. It doesn't matter a flying fig if you'd be good together or not. Frankly, for someone who's known you years...he doesn't seem to respect you much. Infact, you don't even respect you.

Infact, I'd give him more benefit of the doubt though as he has sorta spelled it out to you. It's just, you clearly don't speak man.

The 'I'm not sure what I want' is always, always your cue to say 'that's alright, that's for your time , cheery bye/let's just remain friends then'. Unless you too, are looking for a fwb relationship (at best) or (at worst) to be dicked around.

He's not just scared. Hes not 5 fucking years old. He's a grown man. Stop infantalising him and treating him like he doesn't understand his own mind.

He's telling you no. Listen.

I thought you were going to say you’d been in a relationship for several years, not 3 months! That’s ridiculously fast to ask if he’d ever commit to you! You may have been friends for a long time, but you’re now in a totally different kind of relationship. Slow down! Let the relationship develop at its own pace.