Please help advise me. Poss DV

[runbackhome]

I've namechanged but have posted here before.

OH and I have had a rocky relationship over the years but always made it up. He won't be told he's wrong, everything is my fault etc. I stopped telling him when something is bothering me long ago as it only led to rows.

Something and I dont know what happened yesterday and he was off with me. He tends to sleep for most of the weekend so I go about my thing with the kids and try to sort the house out and leave him to it. It drives me mad that he sleeps so much but the house is a lot quieter and I like being with the kids.

This morning/afternoon he found me doing DIY, the house was admittedly a mess as it is when you have to move things about temporarily but he lost his shit. Told me I shouldn't have been doing it, he'd told me not to do it (he hadn't) and kept yelling in my face. The kids were in the house but not the same room and I was mortified. He didn't hit me but raised his fists as though he was going to and said I was pushing him to be like that and it was my fault for talking back. He had me by the throat at one point but didn't squeeze or anything. He's thrown things and broken them and made it a lot worse than it was. He took my phone earlier and wouldn't give it back then went through my messages. I'm a cunt and a slag etc.

He's back in bed now and the house is back to normal but I feel so shaken. I know I can't stay with him. My DD asked why he was shouting at me, my DS has been clingy since so I'm trying to give them a lot of reassurance but I feel quite lost and teary.

I need to hold myself accountable and get the hell away from him but he makes threats like "bad things happen to people like you". This scares me.

He's taken the car keys which is in his name so I don't have a leg to stand on. I'm meant to be in the office tomorrow for secret Santa but now can't get there. The only place I can stay will need me to have a car to get the kids to school.

I know I'm not perfect but this is all too much. He doesn't think he was in the wrong at all.

Who can I talk to? I don't want to ring the police, it'll make things so much worse but I need some support.

Please leave. I hope you’re OK. How horrible for you x

Friends and family? Take kid/kids and get out ASAP.

Thank you. I absolutely know I need to. I love my house and the kids are in a lovely school 5 minutes away. If I had it my way he'd go but is likely to make it very difficult for me. If needs must I'll have to leave and figure it out later. No way would I leave the kids with him.

He also says he's been chatting to someone else for several months. I had a message request a couple of years ago from someone with the same name. I want to message her but daren't rock the boat. He says it's not her but 🤷‍♀️

I feel so pathetic, this isn't me at all. He's made me pathetic. I hate myself.

It's long past time to get away from this horror. So glad you're seeing it now and taking steps to go.

If he's stopping you leaving, please call the police. Your probably are going to have to get them involved at some point op as he's becoming physically violent and he sounds like the sort that needs to be shown you aren't afraid to ask for back up.

Are you married? Who's name is on the house? (Rented? Owned?)

FFS, if I was reading this from anyone else I'd wonder why the hell they were still there. He's ruined me.

Ps: making yourself smaller will not keep you safe. It just makes you look weak. And he will attack weakness.

Calling the police, telling g your friends and family what's happening and pursuing divorce are big, bold moves and those are how you protect yourself.

Not compromise or kindness or obedience.
Bold steps to get away.

It's rented in both our names. He thinks he has more of a claim on it than me as we recently had to be helped to clear rent arrears by a charity he works with (long story). He forgets that my mum has had to bail us out before and I paid all fees etc.

I used to be financially stable til him. All my bills were paid but he's leeched off me so now my credit is ruined and I feel totally out of control.

What a bloody catch eh? What a mug I am.

Do you have friends/family toucan stay with? Has school finish for Christmas? You need support from loved ones, so sorry you and your children are going through this, so much DV on this site and always spikes at Christmas, these ‘men’ are disgusting

I've had to do this today, even a change to my facial expression has blown him up. I was honestly scared what he was going to do next. I actually hoped the neighbours would hear and call the police so it didn't have to be me doing it.

I really tried to stand up for myself, I'm usually not a pushover. I don't know what's got into him to make him so bad today.

I have my mum who will happily have me but she's not kitted out for 3 of us to suddenly land on her. None of the spare bedrooms are in a fit state so I might need to get over there to sort that out so we can stay. I don't want to get her involved in this mess but I know she'd rather have us there than with him. He's ruined her financially also.

There are no affordable rentals near here at the minute, I might have to go back home and save hard for a year to get back into a decent position to get our own home again. I know I'm incredibly lucky to have this option but I feel so bad for my kids.

Thank you all so much for the support, I'm not ready to talk about this IRL with anyone. I know I'm rambling. I just need to get this all out. I'm usually far more concise.